What's Most Important?

I was really thinking about what I could write about today. I went onto the Mormon Channel app on my iPod, and saw what one of the videos was called "What Matters Most," and loved that topic idea. So, here we are!

In my life, I've always been taught to cherish what's most important. Over the last few years especially, going through my illness, I've really thought about what is most important. Here's what I think is most important in my life:

 

1. My faith in Jesus Christ and His atonement along with my testimony of the gospel. I am so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It has helped me through everything. I love that with the atonement, Jesus Christ didn't pay for just our sins. He suffered for every feeling of pain, hurt, and sadness. I know that no matter what I go through, I will never, ever be alone.

 

 

 

2. My family. From L to R: Chris, Allie, me, my mom, my dad, Justin, Hayden, Ashley, Tim, Camden, and Brooke. I have the best family ever. I know everyone says that, and it's probably true. I believe we were all placed in the families we are in for a reason. :) There is NO way I could make it through life and it's challenges without them. I'm so glad that we can be together forever.

 

 

3. My friends. Friends are like my second family. I love spending time with all of them and I appreciate everything they do for me, just like my family. It's always been a good time, I've never come home and thought, That was boring. I'm excited to tell my future kids all the stories of crazy times with all these guys!

 

 

4. My health. This is one of my senior pictures- I'm in my Student Government uniform. I chose this picture because amidst all of my health trials over the years, I was still able to continue on with life and do the things I love. I know that my body isn't going to ever be perfect, but I'm grateful that I can still walk, run, breath, smile, eat, and live life as normally as possible.

 

 

5. Life. It's great to just reach out your hands like in this picture and proclaim, "I'm alive!" It really is! I think it's really important to live your life fully, taking in as much as you can- the beauty, wonder, and amazement of the world. I went to a friend's farewell yesterday, and she quoted Marjorie Pay Hinckley, "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow what a ride!'" Well said.

 

 

It's real easy to get caught up in those not-so-important worldly things: TV, Netflix, the computer, Facebook, Twitter. I'm not going to lie, I spend a lot of time using worldly things. And yes, to show you that I "practice what I preach," I've decided that I'm going to cut back on my Facebook use. Instead of checking it multiple times a day, I'll only check it about once a week. And the only thing you'll see posted from me are these updates that show a new blog post. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

So figure out, right now, what is most important in your life. Write it down, stick in somewhere, in your scriptures, on your wall. And don't forget. Cherish what you have, and look for what you can improve on.

 

As always, if you've made it this far, thanks. :) Besides using this blog to put in my journal, it would just be a huge waste of time if no one read it. So thanks. And until next time, keep running!

Life's Direction

As a lot of you know, or heard, my sister is now a married woman! It's so crazy. But she chose a good man. They are really good together!

As the wedding was coming together and things were getting closer, I started to think about my life. And I'm sure everyone my age is thinking the same thing: Where do I see myself in 5 years? 10 years? What do I do now? When will I get married? Will I get married?

A couple weeks ago, I was thinking about what I wanted to do and where I wanted my life to go. It's almost been a year since I graduated, and I still don't know what I want to be when I "grow up"- I have a few ideas, but it seems like that changes every now and then. I was praying about what I should do, and I came across a scripture in Sacrament meeting:

"For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.
Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward." (D&C 58:26-28)

 

Two things from this scripture: First, the Lord does answer our prayers. I'm not going to share some of them because they are personal to me, but I might share some more as this blog goes on. Two, yes, I need guidance from the Lord in what I do, but He will not guide me in every single thing I do. Does that make sense? We are given agency, and we are blessed when we use that agency to do good. So for the moment, what I can do is to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause" (which we should be all the time, right?). Another thing besides prayer and the scriptures that really helps me is my patriarchal blessing. For those of you who do not have yours yet, look into it. I got mine two months ago and it has helped me so much already.

 

About my direction in life, I honestly believe that this blog is one of the things I need to be doing right now, especially with what I've been going through. I don't know why I have to go through the trial of having cancer, but I do have faith the Lord and His plan for me and I know that whatever happens in my life is meant for me and that it will bless me or will bless others, maybe right now or maybe down the road. I hope all of you readers are enjoying hearing my thoughts, because I love writing them down.

Speaking of direction in life, one thing I really want to do right now is to be spreading the gospel out in the mission field. The hardest thing about being sick right now is seeing all my friends leave. Yeah, I'll miss them and I'm so happy for them, but I wish that I could be out there- right now. I know that it's not in the Lord's plan for me to be in the mission field at the moment. The phrase "every member a missionary" keeps coming to mind. And you know what? You don't have to be in another country or another state to share the Gospel. There are plenty of people around me that I can reach out to.

I'm sorry if it feels like I'm rambling, but these thoughts have been on my mind a lot lately. To basically sum it all up, what you're living and where you are at in life right now is up to you. Get it where you want it to be and where the Lord wants you to be. Your direction in life is your choice. Until next week, keep running!

Look Up!

Let me fill you in on a little secret. Do you want to know what my biggest "weapon" is in the fight against cancer (besides of course the LDS church and the gospel?)

A positive attitude!

Seriously. And people always say, "Why are you so happy?" or "You've been handed a handful of crap, but you're still smiling." And I'll tell you- I have a reason to be upset. I have a reason to be mad. I have a lot of reasons, actually. But let's remember, everyone has problems.

That's just life.

Let's go back to those questions. When someone asks me that, I usually just say, "You know, I don't know." I don't really have an answer right on the spot. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. It might, for a minute, make me feel better, but it won't do anything for me. So I choose not to complain because it's only going to make things worse. I choose to be happy and have a positive attitude; it makes me a better person, it helps me through difficult things, and it gives me hope.

I'm sure you've heard the story in conference that Elder Carl B. Cook shared in the October 2011 general conference:

 

As the elevator descended, my head was down and I stared blankly at the floor.

The door opened and someone entered, but I didn’t look up. As the door closed, I heard someone ask, “What are you looking at down there?” I recognized that voice—it was President Thomas S. Monson.

I quickly looked up and responded, “Oh, nothing.” (I’m sure that clever response inspired confidence in my abilities!)

But he had seen my subdued countenance and my heavy briefcase. He smiled and lovingly suggested, while pointing heavenward, “It is better to look up!” (taken from http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/it-is-better-to-look-up?lang=eng)

 

I really like this story. You're not making anything better for yourself or anyone else by looking down at the floor. Yeah, it helps to avoid those awkward conversations... but I'm getting off the point! I can tell you from my own personal experiences that a positive attitude will make your situation so much better. For example, here are some of the positive things I've remembered to help me:

• The medical capabilities of today are AMAZING! I'm so blessed that the doctors know how to help me
• I was in one of the best cancer facilities in the world
• I got to be home for Christmas
• I get to see a lot of my family- all the time!
• A friend and I have kind of drifted apart through the years, but I've seen him a lot lately and our friendship has been strengthened
• I was able to eat my favorite food, Sticky Fingers from Winger's for my birthday
• I DID NOT SPEND MY 19th BIRTHDAY IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!!
• I get to see my cousins more (because we stay at their house when we go up north)
• For the past month, I have not had a surgery so I've been able to rest at home and help prepare for Ashley's wedding
• No strain for trying to juggle my hospital stays for wedding planning
• It's going to take a while, but I will be able run again! :) :) :)

See? All that I've been through, and that ^^^ is just some of the many positive things I've noticed. So next time you are faced with a problem, think of the positives and it will help you get through it. Thanks for reading. Until next time, keep running!

Round Three

To start off, today- February 4- is World Cancer Day. So take a minute and think about those fighting the fight and what you can/want to do. I'm spending today, really EVERY day, being thankful for everything that I have! A loving, supportive family, great friends, the opportunity to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and have the gospel in my life, and for doctors and how hard they work to help others! There is so, so much more! I could go on for hours, but I'll spare you the reading. :)

Let me take you back to March 2012. I had just had surgery and was slowly getting back to school, and continuing the rest of my senior year. And I LOVED senior year! It was really, really fun! I went on some road trips and had some crazy times. If you want to hear one of those stories, talk to me!

May & Summer-

• Graduated high school
• Graduated Seminary
• Grad Night at Disneyland
• Worked again at DQ
• Hung out a lot during the summer- including hot dogging!
• Started my first semester of college
• Went to Disneyland again for Fall Break
• Spent lots of time with my family!

July- we had a CT scan that showed something, but the doctors thought it might be some scar tissue still healing. In November, a scan again showed that there was a difference, so once again- my cancer was back.

Nov/Dec- It was great how everything worked together. The doctors planned for a surgery and we were able to work it in with my finals schedule at college. The surgery was the day after my last final. We joked that we were celebrating finishing my first semester by spending a week up at Salt Lake- kind of a hollow victory. And PS- I GOT MY PATRIARCHAL BLESSING!!!! I highly recommend it to those who haven't gotten it yet.

Dec. 13, 2012- I underwent a 13 and 1/2 hour surgery. In this surgery, cancer infected bone was taken out from my jaw and was replaced with my fibula (the smaller bone by your shin and calf). What?! I didn't even know they could do that. They also replaced half of the floor of my mouth. They took all the layers of skin from where they took my fibula and the top layer of some on my thigh to replace the spot on my leg.

Dec 13- Dec 22- This time was spent in the hospital recovering. I had a lot of visitors and a lot of friends. I made it quite a long way in that time. It was really hard to walk starting off. I even came home with a walker.

Dec 25- CHRISTMAS AT HOME!!!!! :)

Dec 26- Dec 30- Back in the hospital. We went up to get my stitches out, which they did, but I also had an infection and I was hospitalized and put on some antibiotics. I also had my first allergic reaction. Dang.. so fun. But I'm alright. :) Came home in time for New Years.

Jan 8, 2013- Second surgery- all the cancer was not removed from the first surgery so they took more bone out and filled it in with a spacer (will replace with bone in future- had to make sure they got clear margins this time). Pathology reports showed 10 days later that all the cancer from my jaw bone has been removed!

Currently- I'm doing great now! Slowly getting better and better each day. Because they replaced part of my jaw, they had to remove teeth- I do have all of my upper teeth but only 4 lower teeth on my left side. I have to be careful that I don't eat anything too crunchy because it hurts, and I have to stick my finger in my mouth to make sure I don't get any food stuck on the numb side. For those of you have eaten with me, sorry, but truly, I'm kinda not sorry. :]

March 8 (about a month) is when we will meet again with the doctors to discuss future surgeries- reconstruction, and in about a year, dental implants.

Time for a BIG THANK YOU!!!!! If I wrote down everyone that sent me a text, came to visit, or has helped me in some way, you could be reading for a while. So thank you to everyone who has done something. I particularly want to mention Justin Brunson. Every time I've been up in Salt Lake at the hospital, he's come to visit. Every time. In fact, one day when he was visiting, he said to my parents, "So I can come back later tonight and stay with Erik if you guys want to go to dinner!"

:0 Justin. You're a stud.

So go out of your way this week and do a service for someone. It will make their day. And it will make yours a lot better, too. Ladies and gentlemen, keep running.