Chemo three is IN THE BAG. Current status: Five days post chemo treatment.
If you have been following my timeline with this... stuff.... you would note that this Monday was not three weeks after my last chemo, but four. God knew that I needed another lesson on patience, waiting, and dealing with disappointment.
The date is March 9th, 11 days ago today. Mom and I walked into the hospital, ready to get another day done. After sitting in one of the recliners, getting settled, getting an IV (did I mention how much I HATE IVs?), and waiting a minute to meet with my doctor, he decided it would be best to postpone chemo a week; my WBC (White Blood Cell) levels were a little low. I don't know how WBC counting works, but the numbers they told me- all you medical people out there, don't shoot the messenger- were that normal count is a 2. I was at 1.1 at the time of chemo two, and was a 0.9 on that day. It's not deathly low, and I really could've been okay to get that chemo, but if I would've gotten sick at all, I would've definitely been admitted in the hospital. It's a good/bad/better-to-be-safe-than-sorry thing. Thanks, doc.
I was okay with going home. Let's be honest, what's your first choice when you hear, "Stay in the hospital, or go home"? After letting it sink in for two minutes, I realized that I was kind of upset. I had built myself up to get this chemo, and now had to wait a week. I told myself that after March 9th, I only had one chemo left. Now, after March 9th, I still had two chemos to go.
I've been in sync with my body and pretty "in-the-know" on what's up, so you can imagine how I felt with this suprise news. It's been a long time where I've had bad news that I wasn't expecting in the slightest.
I questioned. I wanted to get this chemo done now, not a week later. But let me just share with you two neat tidbits of waiting another week:
- That night, for Family Home Evening, we watched a Mormon Message. In the end, it said, "You and I might cry out, 'No one understands. No one knows.' But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands. He can reach out, touch, and strengthen us."
- I was given the assignment to prepare a lesson for my calling on Sunday. Because of combined wards for Spring Break, I didn't end up teaching, but I still learned a great deal. I learned more about faith that leads to action, our aid from the Savior's perfect atonement depends on our effort (He is ready to grab us by the hand... All we have to do is reach!), and yoke. What is a yoke? Read this conference talk.
Waiting isn't fun. It sucks. You want things now, but Heavenly Father knows exactly when and how you should receive your answers.
We are told and counseled that it's through the waiting period that we learn what we need to learn. When I think about all I've gone through, I can testify to you that there is so much truth to that. Remember that the reason we are on this earth is to learn and grow. Sometimes, the best way to learn is through waiting, suffering, and adversity. Remember that the sky isn't always dark, and you will see the sun again.
Trust in Him, his will, and His son; the atonement of Jesus Christ can heal you, help you, and strengthen you.
"You're not always going to be perfectly happy, but you can always be at peace with things, having the grace that only Christ can give." (Dawn Armstrong, from Meet the Mormons)
(more update on THIS week and how I've felt with chemo three coming Monday)
PS. Just because you are waiting, doesn't mean you have to be miserable! Do, watch, or read something that brings you joy. Be with people that make you happy.
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Post-Mission News: As you may or may not have heard by now, I'm an Aggie! Around August, I'll be moving to Logan, Utah to go to school at Utah State University to study Speech-Language Pathology. I'm starting this fall semester, and I've got two years to a Bachelor's Degree, and another two years to a Master's Degree. I wouldn't have even considered this route without going through my fibula surgery and a little bit of speech therapy, as well as the great help I've had through my time at Southern Utah University.
Keep running.
