Last Week in the Mission

The time is upon us. I've got FIVE days left as a missionary.

I'll be released on Saturday, July 18th, after my day at the temple. Interesting fact, July 18th, 2014 is the day I met with President Arnold to start my mission.

On Sunday, July 19th, I'll be giving my mission report in my home ward. Right now, all I can feel is...

Taken from "David After Dentist"... Look it up!

Is this real life? Is time really going by this fast?? Like I've heard my friends who have served full-time missions say, "The days are long, but the weeks are short." I couldn't agree more.

I am so so so so SO grateful for my mission. It has been tailor-made by the Lord to teach me things that I need. The biggest blessing from my mission is that I've learned to better recognize promptings, feelings of the Spirit, and the Lord's hand in my life. I have never regretted choosing to serve the Lord.

It's been an interesting year. I served in the temple for not even half of my mission period, but that's okay. I thought in the beginning, that I must have some really important things if the Lord is allowing us to pause my mission and my time in the temple. I fought cancer (again), and I ultimately feel stronger. My aunt said something interesting last December, "Maybe the reason you are a missionary right now is because people pray in the temple all the time for missionaries." I have made goals and habits that I hope to continue, such as a better scripture study, prayer habit, and not watching inappropriate shows. The best thing about my mission is what someone talked with me about one day. Missionaries always talk about how they want to continue their habits they learned from their mission, but it's a little harder because they perfect those habits in a different place, so when they come home, it's kind of easier to revert to our pre-mission self (which doesn't mean that missionaries don't come back better and with better habits, because they sure do). For me, it's a little easier to stick to my mission habits because I'm already living at home and nothing will really change.

In honor of my last week as a service missionary, I thought I'd put a little something together about what I've learned from working in the temple, which will be continued more next week, so stay tuned.

What I've learned from....

... driving to St George every day

The left lane is for passing. You can stay in the left lane if no one is behind you, and if there are no cars coming faster than you. Otherwise, stick to the right lane.

Use your blinker. PLEASE. It doesn't really affect you, but it does other people. It's being a courteous driver. I understand not using it if no one is around you, but if you are around other people, use it. Especially if you are merging in front of another car.

Don't be a psycho driver. Slow down. You're not in that much of a hurry.

I will sing while I drive. Don't judge. Thanks for being humored by it, though.

Cruise control is awesome. I laugh at people that I keep passing. They go fast, then slow down. Then fast, then slow down. I've been going the same speed the whole time, bro.

Best way to get to the temple: Take the St George Blvd exit. Drive down all the way to 200 East and turn left. It will take you right to it with the least amount of turning. :)

You are in a car. A car is a very powerful and scary thing. Be wise.

Also in honor of my last week as a missionary, here's the last year in pictures.

Look for the little things in your life. It will bless you!!!

Keep running.

Downright Humbled

I had a little experience over the last week and a half that really humbled me.

In December, on my last day of chemo, we set up an appointment to meet with Dr. Haslem on the 19th- which just so happens to be today- to talk about the plan for the future. During my round of chemo and radiation last month, he mentioned the idea of administering more chemo- it wasn't a yes, and it wasn't a no.

On Friday the 9th, after getting out of the temple, I noticed I had a voicemail. And it was something to this effect:
"Hi Erik, this is Dr. Haslem's office, calling about your appointment scheduled for the 19th. Dr. Haslem will be out of town on that day, so we wanted to talk to you about the options we have. You can either meet with one of his assistants on that day, or the soonest we could get you in with him would be around the 9th of February. Let us know, thanks."

I don't direct any negative feelings to the downright amazing staff at the cancer center when I say this, but initially, I was a little peeved. This appointment had been set in stone for the last three weeks. I knew that we had to meet with Dr. Haslem, because this appointment would be the decision of how my spring would go. I had a 45-minute drive from St. George to Cedar to think about it, and I decided that I would even opt to drive down to St George for this appointment. [Dr Haslem is based out of St. George, he comes up to Cedar on Mondays. I wouldn't be able to get in on a Monday with him until February, but I'm sure he had a sooner time in his St. George office.]

I called back and left a message at the office, politely letting them know that I would really appreciate getting in as soon as there was an opening, because this appointment was set up a while ago, and that I'd try them again on Monday morning. I talked with my mom about it, and we knew that we'd have to just wait and see.


Fast forward three days, to Monday morning. I woke up and right then got a call from the cancer center, who I was planning to call in just a minute, to see if they had any openings that day. To my amazement, there was an opening! 2:30 that afternoon. Mom and I were preparing for a trip to Salt Lake for a doctors appointment and on to Idaho to visit my grandparents who had just moved up there from St. George. We planned to leave right after the appointment.

An hour later, the cancer center, called again, saying that there was a little mix-up in scheduling, and was wondering if we could get in right then. We got ready as fast as we could and got to the doctor.

---

At my appointment, we discussed exactly what I was thinking: more chemotherapy. In the words of Dr. Haslem, there isn't any strong evidence that this chemotherapy will get rid of my cancer, but there also isn't any strong evidence against it. Where my cancer is rare, there isn't too much data to go off of. I like to joke in ways that I am "taking one for the team." Dang it, I'm writing the books for the next person that has what I have- taking one for the team again. Chuckle chuckle.

But here's the deal. I am going to get more chemotherapy. It is a higher dose then before, but there is no radiation at the same time. We're done with that stuff. I will have four treatments, administered three weeks apart. So by the time I am done with this, it'll be almost April. I'll most likely feel pretty down for a week, then get better, almost back to normal, and then get another treatment. In my head, for the moment it sounds like my one-day-a-week-right-now mission will be one week off, two weeks on.

---

I am humbled. Downright humbled. I didn't want to wait for a few weeks to meet with Dr. Haslem. I think that I have spent a fair share of my time over the last few years just "waiting." I hoped and hoped there would be a way that we could get squeezed in an opening. I think that's a righteous desire.

The kicker to me is found in D&C 81:3-- Therefore, verily I acknowledge him and will bless him, and also thee, inasmuch as thou art faithful in counsel, in the office which I have appointed unto you, in prayer always, vocally and in thy heart, in public and in private, also in thy ministry in proclaiming the gospel in the land of the living, and among thy brethren.

I regret that I didn't even take the time to pray about my concerns. Yes, I thought and hoped and prayed in my heart, but I did not physically asking my Father in Heaven for something as simple as that. I am humbled that, along with the prayers of my mom, that our desire was answered.

The scriptures teach us, and I know, that God knows the desires of our hearts. God knows what we are asking before we even ask it. When I pray and ask God, I include him in my life. I show faith and love by reaching upward.

I learned my lesson. Prayer is personal.
Prayer really is talking with God.
Prayer is asking, explaining, pleading, expressing thanks.
Prayer brings us closer to Heaven.
Prayer brings Heaven closer to us.

I sure want that. I've been enlightened in the fact that I should pray vocally, in my heart, constantly, especially because I desire God to be a part of my life.

[Mission update: I am back serving down at the temple! For now, it's just one day a week, on Fridays. My first day back was on January 9th, the day I got the call from the doc. I have missed it so much and it's so great to see some of my temple family again!] 

Keep running.

Treatment Week 6

DONE!!!

I finished my six weeks. The last week, just about every day was a nauseous day. I didn't have too much energy, and I noticed how tired this has made me.

I've been just relaxing and getting back into somewhat of a routine. One of the hobbies I've had lately is finding things for cheap and selling them for more. For example, I got a nice film camera with a good lens, five various lenses, and a smaller film camera all for $70. Everything works, and so far I've sold the big camera for $120, the smaller camera for $25, and two lenses so far for $25 total. So far I've made $100 profit. Boo yah.

HEALTH UPDATE:
As I am finished with treatment, I get to rest up now. I'm still able to do just about anything but find myself with less energy. My neck is pretty red (like a sunburn) from the radiation, but oh man, SO MUCH better than last time.

We will meet again with the doctors on January 19th, about 5 weeks. At that time, we will see where we are at, and discuss the possibly of more chemo (but not radiation- fist pump!). More chemo is not a definite yes, but its not a no.

MISSION UPDATE:
After talking with President Crankshaw last week, he said that whenever I felt good enough, I could start going back again. Wait until I think I could last a whole day down there. He suggested to start off maybe just one or two days a week and work back into it. He said to just work with the temple on talk those details.

I don't know what the future holds, I feel like I have some big decisions to make, but I'm learning more every day to rely on the Lord. It feels like every day has been a challenge lately, especially trying to improve myself at home and being a better family member! I think that's something we could all work on, right?

Spiritual note... I just hit the book of Moroni. It maybe have taken me almost a year, but I'm just about finished with the Book of Mormon. My deadline is Dec 31st.

If you have an extra minute, look up the "40 Days and 40 Nights Challenge"... They have some charts that can help you read the entire Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and New Testament in 40 days each- or the Old Testament in 80 days.

That's all, folks. Keep running.

Treatment Week 5 (Plus a Little Pre-Post Ramble)

Sometimes I have big plans and big ideas for what I want to write or do with this blog. I have all good intentions for it, but the laziness kicks in. So is human nature, right? I can honestly say though, that I'm glad the way things have turned out with what I've written. I wonder how my blog has effected people. That's not my motive, but aren't we all curious as to how our efforts are working?

Point of this rant, I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing. Kapeesh?

Well, week 5 has sucked. Despite the suckiness though, there are some people who are worse off then I am. My sick days were mostly Wednesday and Thursday. I have felt nauseous though all week. Like I've said before, the nausea isn't too bad. I've had the kind of headache you get when you are up too long, so I've been a couch potato a lot.

I have one more week of chemo and radiation. Because of Thanksgiving, I'll have just one radiation treatment after next week. So I've got one full week and a day. BRING IT ON. We meet with Dr Haslem tomorrow, and we'll see what the plan is from here.

Tender mercy of this week. I really wanted to go to FHE on Monday. I've been trying to go to all the things in my ward and stay involved. For a while it almost seemed weird to go to these YSA things when I am a missionary and can't even go on a date for now. But anyway, about FHE, I was hoping that I'd feel okay that night. Anyway, about 6 pm I felt a little sick, took a nausea pill, and was fine. FHE was fun. We went caroling haha. I said a prayer, asking that I could make it through FHE just fine. Prayer was answered! Well, about an hour after I got home, 9 pm roughly, it hit me. I felt pretty sick, took a different nausea pill, and just watched some TV to get my mind off of it. My nausea wasn't taken away completely Monday, but it was delayed. And I'm thankful it was!

That same thing that happened on Monday has happened a couple times again. I'm not home and I feel alright. Shortly after getting home, some nausea or headache or cramps or something hits me. I'm seriously being watched out for.

I was able to go to the temple last night (Saturday). I did baptisms with most of the family... my parents, my brother Justin, sister Ashley, brother Chris, and sister-in-law Allie. It was great!

Keep running!

Treatment Week 4

4 down.
2 to go.


I'm over the hill! 2/3 done. Only two more weeks. Excuse the informal syntax of the following sentence: Aaah aah aah aah aah aah ahh I'm so excited!

Here are 13 thoughts on this last week:

1. I won a caption contest on Facebook Monday. My prize was a day or two of bragging rights. Go ahead and laugh. I like to think I'm pretty witty. (Note: Contest was on Facebook on December 1st. Makes my joke a little more humorous)

2. My skin is starting to look red. It's not my whole neck, it's about 1" x 3" rectangular area underneath my jaw.
[insert picture tomorrow here] :)

3. My throat is still peachy. It feels fine. I am SO happy that I can eat whatever I want. I don't want to be at a point where I'm stuck on liquids. That was a two-time thing (once during radiation in 2010, once when I had a feeding tube from the jaw surgery in 2012).

4. Every time I think of food and the cancer center, I feel sick. I don't know why. I feel fine all week, everything tastes great at home. However, when I get my free food on Mondays, I just don't feel good. And even thinking about it right now makes me a little queasy. I took a picture of my lunch a few weeks ago on Instagram and ended up deleting it last week because I couldn't even look at it. I won't have Sweet & Sour Chicken for a very, very long time. That place is messing with my mind, man.
*Just for the record, hospital food is stereotyped as bland... Cedar's hospital food is good. It's not you, hospital food. It's me.*

5. My queasy days for week four were Monday night, Wednesday, and Thursday.

6. When I say queasy, I mean about 25% of the nausea you're thinking. 75% of it is the tired, headache nausea... you know what I mean?

7. I'm getting over being a little sick. Sore throat, stuffy nose. Nothing too bad. I'm not sure where I got it, but I don't blame anyone. I think I got it from my mom. The plus side here is that I'm okay to get sick... my blood levels are normal so I can fight this off easily. Just no one kiss me for the next few days, okay? Sorry ladies. ;) Oh wait, I couldn't anyway. #missionary

8. If I had a dollar for every engagement or pregnancy announcement I've seen on Facebook lately... (congrats by the way to you people)

9. Saturday and Sunday (the 6th and 7th) were definitely my good days. I went to the temple on Saturday afternoon. And on Saturday night, ice skating!

10. I made some kick butt oreo fudge. Seriously. It tastes amazing.

11. Overall, this is not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm feeling less queasy than I had imagined- very grateful for that!

12. I'm grateful that things work out the way Heavenly Father want them to. I'm grateful to be able to spend a little more time at home. I'm grateful for family, friends, and temple family that have reached out to me.

13. I'M SO BLESSED. Yes, I see a lot of crap in front of me right now. BUT I have so many reasons to be happy. That's what I'm focusing on.



Let's finish these last two weeks. BOOYAH.
Keep running.

Treatment Week 3

3 WEEKS DOWN. 3 TO GO.

Boo yah.

So this week, the week of December 1st, marks week #4. Last week was good. I wasn't feeling good on Monday, Tuesday, and part of Wednesday. The rest of the week went well. I was really grateful that I felt good enough to eat Thanksgiving. 

Some notes from this week:

1. I'm a planner. I've been trying to figure out what days are my bad days, but it's been different every week. Week one was Wednesday and Thursday. Week two was Thursday and Saturday. Week three was Monday, Tuesday, and a little of Wednesday.
2. This sucks. It really, truly does. But on the other hand, I know that the Lord's hand is in everything. I am watched over so much, sometimes I don't realize.
3. You all are amazing. I'm grateful for the love that has been shown to me. THANK YOU.
4. I am truly grateful. Grateful that I have hair. Grateful that my chemo does isn't crazy high. Truthfully, I'm okay. This is easier than I thought it would be.
5. You might remember my last radiation course, almost five years ago. It really effected my neck and throat. A couple weeks into it, I went on a liquid diet because it hurt so bad to get anything else down. That was one of my biggest worries this time. But having just passed over the hill, I'm halfway, I wonder.... I honestly think I'll be able to eat anything I want the whole time. What a blessing.
6. I thought I knew a lot. But really, I've learned a lot MORE about trials. It's at the rough times that truly test our faith. It's when we are at a breaking point that we truly gain/strengthen/realize the testimony that we have. THIS right now is one of my biggest challenges.
7. A bad attitude is not going to fix anything. If anything, it will make things worse. If I had a bad attitude, it doesn't change the fact that I have cancer. It only makes it harder on me, my family, and all those around me. So you're welcome. :D

How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was great. Thanksgiving dinner was great. We had all my siblings out here (which isn't too great a miracle because they all live in Cedar City anyway). I really enjoyed every part about this weekend. We honestly didn't do too much, but we did spend time together. What a blessing.

Happy DECEMBER (Whoa. Already?)

Keep running.

Treatment Week 2

Hello!

Let me finish feeling you in on the rest of how week one was.

I felt really bloated, so in turn gassy, Wednesday and Thursday of last week. As far as nausea, Thursday was probably the worst of it.

Yes, I did just post about my gas on the internet.

From Friday on, I felt almost normal. I went to the temple with Mom on Friday. It was so nice to get there! I saw a lot of familiar faces. :) I went to see Big Hero 6 that night, and the weekend went really well.

Monday was fine. Nothing really out of the ordinary. My chemo went fine. I did feel a little nauseous during the infusion- but more of a headache nausea than stomach nausea. Does that make sense?

Brooke brought Easton to visit, and then later brought Camden. It was fun and brought a little variety to everything going on.

I have honestly felt really good this week. Thursday (two days ago) was a doozy. I didn't feel too great that day, and just watched movies all day. Besides Thursday though, I have felt pretty good for the majority of this week. How great, right?

Today's a busy day. My brother-in-law is running at the college Cross Country National Championships, we are having a man-party during my sister-in-law's baby shower, and I'm going to go down to the temple tonight. Woo!

Keep running.

Treatment Week 1

Well, the time has come.

I had my first chemo treatment yesterday. It went well, I feel like. As well as it can go?

My schedule on Mondays is this:

8:30 am LABS

9:00 am RADIATION

9:30 am CHEMO

There was a power outage on Saturday, so the radiation machine took a little bit longer to power up. I didn't get back to radiation til about 9:30ish. I came back, and we started my IV meds.

First, I got a small IV of steroids, to help with nausea.
Next, I got anti-nausea (Zofran), to help with nausea.
:)
After that, a bag of fluids- hydration.
Then the chemo, Cisplatin.
After that baby was done, another bag of fluids.

I named my IV pole Gladys. She and I are going to have weekly dates, every Monday. ;) No one get jealous, now.

Because the Cisplatin processes a lot in the kidneys, I was given so much fluids. And it worked, because I went to the bathroom SIX times there, between 9:00 am and 2:00 pm.

So far, I haven't felt too shabby. I've felt a tiny, tiny bit of nausea, but nothing too bad at all. I can already feel that my throat is a little sore.

---

It hasn't really sunk in that I'm not down at the temple, because today is usually my P-day, and yesterday I was supposed to be on the grounds. I'm sure it's really going to sink in later this week. It sucks, yes, but I'm glad that we are taking proactive measures to kick this cancer in the butt. FOR GOOD.

Bring it on, Mucoepidermoid Carcinoma, bring it on.

Keep running.