In December, on my last day of chemo, we set up an appointment to meet with Dr. Haslem on the 19th- which just so happens to be today- to talk about the plan for the future. During my round of chemo and radiation last month, he mentioned the idea of administering more chemo- it wasn't a yes, and it wasn't a no.
On Friday the 9th, after getting out of the temple, I noticed I had a voicemail. And it was something to this effect:
"Hi Erik, this is Dr. Haslem's office, calling about your appointment scheduled for the 19th. Dr. Haslem will be out of town on that day, so we wanted to talk to you about the options we have. You can either meet with one of his assistants on that day, or the soonest we could get you in with him would be around the 9th of February. Let us know, thanks."
I don't direct any negative feelings to the downright amazing staff at the cancer center when I say this, but initially, I was a little peeved. This appointment had been set in stone for the last three weeks. I knew that we had to meet with Dr. Haslem, because this appointment would be the decision of how my spring would go. I had a 45-minute drive from St. George to Cedar to think about it, and I decided that I would even opt to drive down to St George for this appointment. [Dr Haslem is based out of St. George, he comes up to Cedar on Mondays. I wouldn't be able to get in on a Monday with him until February, but I'm sure he had a sooner time in his St. George office.]
I called back and left a message at the office, politely letting them know that I would really appreciate getting in as soon as there was an opening, because this appointment was set up a while ago, and that I'd try them again on Monday morning. I talked with my mom about it, and we knew that we'd have to just wait and see.
Fast forward three days, to Monday morning. I woke up and right then got a call from the cancer center, who I was planning to call in just a minute, to see if they had any openings that day. To my amazement, there was an opening! 2:30 that afternoon. Mom and I were preparing for a trip to Salt Lake for a doctors appointment and on to Idaho to visit my grandparents who had just moved up there from St. George. We planned to leave right after the appointment.
An hour later, the cancer center, called again, saying that there was a little mix-up in scheduling, and was wondering if we could get in right then. We got ready as fast as we could and got to the doctor.
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At my appointment, we discussed exactly what I was thinking: more chemotherapy. In the words of Dr. Haslem, there isn't any strong evidence that this chemotherapy will get rid of my cancer, but there also isn't any strong evidence against it. Where my cancer is rare, there isn't too much data to go off of. I like to joke in ways that I am "taking one for the team." Dang it, I'm writing the books for the next person that has what I have- taking one for the team again. Chuckle chuckle.
But here's the deal. I am going to get more chemotherapy. It is a higher dose then before, but there is no radiation at the same time. We're done with that stuff. I will have four treatments, administered three weeks apart. So by the time I am done with this, it'll be almost April. I'll most likely feel pretty down for a week, then get better, almost back to normal, and then get another treatment. In my head, for the moment it sounds like my one-day-a-week-right-now mission will be one week off, two weeks on.
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I am humbled. Downright humbled. I didn't want to wait for a few weeks to meet with Dr. Haslem. I think that I have spent a fair share of my time over the last few years just "waiting." I hoped and hoped there would be a way that we could get squeezed in an opening. I think that's a righteous desire.
The kicker to me is found in D&C 81:3-- Therefore, verily I acknowledge him and will bless him, and also thee, inasmuch as thou art faithful in counsel, in the office which I have appointed unto you, in prayer always, vocally and in thy heart, in public and in private, also in thy ministry in proclaiming the gospel in the land of the living, and among thy brethren.
I regret that I didn't even take the time to pray about my concerns. Yes, I thought and hoped and prayed in my heart, but I did not physically asking my Father in Heaven for something as simple as that. I am humbled that, along with the prayers of my mom, that our desire was answered.
The scriptures teach us, and I know, that God knows the desires of our hearts. God knows what we are asking before we even ask it. When I pray and ask God, I include him in my life. I show faith and love by reaching upward.I learned my lesson. Prayer is personal.
Prayer really is talking with God.
Prayer is asking, explaining, pleading, expressing thanks.
Prayer brings us closer to Heaven.
Prayer brings Heaven closer to us.
I sure want that. I've been enlightened in the fact that I should pray vocally, in my heart, constantly, especially because I desire God to be a part of my life.
[Mission update: I am back serving down at the temple! For now, it's just one day a week, on Fridays. My first day back was on January 9th, the day I got the call from the doc. I have missed it so much and it's so great to see some of my temple family again!]
Keep running.
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