Merry Christmas & Happy New Year From the Fibu-less Writer of This Blog!

Merry Christmas!! How was yours?

With the biggest holiday of the year passed and a new year coming, I can honestly say that 2013 has been one of the biggest surprise years ever. Mostly everything that has happened was not part of "the plan" I had come up with when I graduated.

I was sure that I would go to a year of school at SUU, stay at DQ, continue to have a clean bill of health and to be cancer free, send in my papers for a mission and leave to serve. I was sure that although I had faced quite a bit, that was behind me and I was out of the woods. I was ready to be considered "normal" again and to not be the "guy with cancer" who fought it during his teen years in high school but then fully recovered, served a mission, and nonetheless was "normal."

But like all plans, it all changed. I had more extensive surgeries. I was back to fighting cancer again. I had to put the mission on hold and re-think what I wanted to do and how I should serve the Lord. My job would be too hard to continue with the condition my mouth was in, even after recovery. I found an easier, less crazy- so to speak- job. I changed my schooling timeline and prepared to stick around til after spring semester. I had to put the mission papers I would start in two months on hold.

To summarize, in 2013 I:

• Had more surgeries on my neck
• Deal every day with less teeth and a partially numb tongue
• Watched 90% of my friends leave on missions with no knowledge of when I'd be heading out
• Started a blog, writing on average, every week or two weeks, and have pageviews from places like Russia and the United Arab Emirates
• Took the spring semester off
• Left DQ
• Started a job at the hotels
• Became an uncle to another nephew
• Moved out into an apartment
• Continued on with SUU for another school year
• Changed my major about six times
• Went on a spontaneous family trip to California
• Postponed the mission
• Really thought about what I want to do with my life

It's okay that I didn't do what I had planned to do. Because that's life. Now does that mean I fall short? No, it just means that although I didn't accomplish what I thought I would have in 2013, I accomplished what my Heavenly Father wanted me to accomplish. I gained a significant amount for my testimony. I gained more knowledge of His plan and His love, and how He is always near me and always watching over. I gained things that I needed but probably wouldn't have been able to gain if 2013 would have been "according to plan." And I'm at peace with that.


So as you contemplate what your goals and ambitions are for 2014, I challenge you to add one thing that is on my list for 2014: I want to have faith enough that if a curveball is thrown my direction, I can react in a good way. If my plans for the future are altered, I want to be able to say, "Heavenly Father, I don't know exactly why, but I know you know why. And that is good enough for me."

If you ask me what the next year will hold, I have a few ideas of what I want the plan to be. But if that doesn't happen, if what I have in mind is completely the opposite of what does happen, I know that Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. I know I can reach the spiritual goals I set because He wants me to reach those goals. And as long as I'm getting better each day, each month, and each year, I'm happy with life and ready for what the future holds.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Keep running.

One Year Ago Today

365 days ago was the biggest surgery of my life.

Today, December 13, 2013 marks one year from this 13-hour, life changing, jaw altering, fibul-less, surgery.

I am STILL in awe at the enormity of it. I had no IDEA this surgery was even possible. Did you? I mean, seriously! How did anyone ever think it was even possible to take out a portion of the fibula, not replace it with anything, put the fibula in place of part of the jawbone, and still have me look normal, talk normal, walk normal, and even run normal?

Sometimes when I think back to everything that happened a year ago, I just want to curl up into a ball. It was hard. Not being able to eat or drinking anything through my mouth for a week on top of a dry mouth, limited neck movement, a feeding tube, that stupid nurse that suctioned out my trach, the trach ITSELF (grrr...), the constant nurse visits, the infection that caused another hospital stay, having an anaphylactic allergic reaction, withdrawing from Spring semester, quitting my job, not being able to lay on my stomach to sleep, and learning how to move my tongue again.

Although it makes me devastated to think about what I've been through, I turn and think of everything good about that surgery and the last year. I spent more time with my parents, had an awesome nurse, stayed at one the best cancer facilities in the world, was in the hands of amazing doctors and staff that I would (and obviously did) trust my life with, gaining a strong testimony of my Savior, Heavenly Father's plan, and the Atonement, celebrating my birthday by eating Winger's... and not in a hospital, taking some time off of school and work, finding out what I want to be when I "grow up", realizing my plan in Heavenly Father's book, getting my patriarchal blessing, having my friends surprise me on my birthday, sharing the gospel, sharing my testimony, improving my life, and getting one step closer to getting rid of this stupid cancer for good.

----

When I think back over the last year, there is bad, but there is good. And a lot more of the good. And although I would never wish what I've been through on my worst enemies, I'm truly truly grateful for the last year. It's totally screwed up the direction I was supposed to be going in, but that's okay. Because the direction I'm headed in now is one I'm proud of. I've grown substantially, both spiritually, emotionally, and physically, in the last year. I'm closer to becoming a person I hope my Heavenly Father is proud of.

The best thing about the gospel is change. Change for the better. Heavenly Father KNOWS just what we need to go through in order to make that change. And it will never be anything we cannot do. I take comfort every day in knowing that I made it through some pretty dark days. I take comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father loves me enough to test what I am capable of, so that if I endure it well, it will be a substantial blessing in my road to Heavenly Father.

What's next, you might ask? Well, I have two words for you. Keep running.

Superstitious?

It's kind of funny how often I've seen the number 13.

• It's 2013

• I live in apartment 13

• We have made 12 (almost 13) trips to the Huntsman this year

• My surgery a month ago was on November 13th

• We found out my cancer had returned 13 months ago

• My surgery last year was on December 13th

I'm not superstitious, but isn't that list strangely weird?



Does this mean I'm unlucky?

No, because it's more about one thing. Can you guess? The gospel.

PS, I totally took this picture.

I know that I am watched over. I know that I am never alone. I know that no matter what I do, no matter what mistakes I make, my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that if I am in a situation in which I really need it, He sends His love and comfort, whether through the presence of the Holy Ghost, angels, or even the people here on Earth I'm surrounded by.

Heavenly Father is the reason. He is why I am still living, breathing, and enjoying a happy life. Jesus Christ is the reason that I have the chance to one day return to Heavenly Father. Luck's got nothing to do with it.

Keep running!

Hold On

It's been a pretty crazy, busy few weeks.

I have a job, and work 25 to 30 hours a week.
I'm taking 15.5 credits.
I have two evening classes.
I have 3 finals tomorrow.
I "try" to make my own meals.
And... I have to plan out time to do LAUNDRY.


Welcome to the life of a college student. And I know some of your are a lot busier, so to that I say... keep on truckin'.


There is one thing to remember in any bad situation, whether it be school, family problems, a job, or just being busy and barely finding time for yourself:

It will get better. It may be hard, but it won't last forever.

 

When I've had a hard time, a hard week, or an extremely busy upcoming weekend, I've had to say: Okay. I just need to make it to Saturday afternoon. Once that hits, it's smooth sailing. And if that's what you have to do to de-stress, more power to you.

Here are some more quotes to remember:

Yes, life is busy. Yes, life sometimes sucks. But it's because of the good times, the positive times, and the times that make me realize how good I really have it that I look forward to and reach for. Hold on to the hope that better days are coming! And never forget it.

Keep running!

Find Some Time

So I taught a lesson about Joseph Smith in Elder's Quorum on Sunday.

And man, what a stud! What stood out to me from his life the most are a few things, but I'll just talk about one today.

He made time for "innocent amusement"- wrestling, playing, having fun. I think it's amazing that a prophet of God isn't just serious all the time. He is a nice, friendly guy. He is just like you and me, whether you are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or not.

If the prophet of the restoration of the church can find some time for simple happiness and doing fun things, so can I! I don't have to work all the time. I don't have to study all the time. I don't have to try and plan out my future for every moment of every day. Sometimes, I just need to sit back, relax, and do something I love.

Like watching TV.

Okay, maybe not the prime example. :) But you get what I mean. On another note, however smart of a decision, I decided that instead of an instead study/cram session for finals this morning, I would go out to my parents' house to spend some time and play with my nephews during "Grandma Morning." (Yes, totally worth it)


In a world where everything is so busy, I know I could use some time to slow down, to enjoy the moment, and to do something that puts a smile on my face.

For example:

Hangin' out

Running

I think this picture speaks for itself.

And this one. Hint: I love eating.

Being as completely UN-serious as possible.

Talking

Reading my favorite book!

And of course, playing the piano- Just. Like. This.

Until about 12 hours from now: Keep running!

Dental Implants, Phase Two

Well, that next step has come already! I'm one step closer to getting new teeth.

And on just a side note, how about a little cruel irony?
 

Now granted it's my two front BOTTOM teeth.

(Side note: And I hope you aren't feeling bad for me. I think it's funny. And hopefully you do, too. There's no problem with laughing at yourself every once in a while!)

Just about two weeks ago was step two. I don't know if any of you ever saw inside my mouth, but if you did, you would've seen that the skin put in where I have no teeth was pretty big. When I would bite down, the skin would touch the bottom of my teeth.

Step one was putting the posts in and cutting down the tissue a little bit.

Step two? Cutting down the tissue a little more. It was an interesting procedure for a few reasons:

• I was wide awake during the whole thing
• I was aware during the whole thing
• Luckily, I was numbed
• Because my chin has been replaced, the nerve endings are all out of whack. The way Dr Egbert explained it: "Normally, we put in the numbing on one end and the other, and it's good in between; but with your nerves in your chin, we had to numb it a couple of times.

I'm basically just a medical basket case, right? But that's okay. If my situation, however rare, is seen again in someone else, hopefully the way I've been treated can be an aid to them.

If my experiences help just one person, whether emotionally, physically, medically or spiritually; whether it's a procedure the doctor has done, something I have said, or the interactions I've had with someone, then it's made the past four years all worth it.

Keep running!

"In Every Thing, Give Thanks"

Update: The surgery went well. I had some homework over the weekend after the surgery, but other than that, didn't really do anything. It was kind of nice, but at the same time wasn't feeling too great to be able to enjoy it. I wasn't sick, but I did have a few headaches.


In honor of Thanksgiving, this post is about gratitude and giving thanks. Thanks is the usually the first thing we say in our prayers. Thanks is the first thing, hopefully, you say when your mom/spouse/roommate hands you dinner. Thanks is universal.

There is a scripture that says "in every thing, give thanks" (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I'm thankful that it was super cold outside today. Why? It makes me appreciate my car and apartment more. I'm thankful that I ate at McDonald's today. Why? Because I was there catching up with a friend.

Giving thanks is how I can show my faith. I  have loved going through my trials, but I am thankful for them because of the lessons I have learned, the growth I've made.

How often do we sit down and think about the things we are thankful for? Here are some things I am thankful for:

• The gospel
• The church
• Family
• Parents
• The priesthood
• Brothers (and bros-in-law)
• Sisters (and sis-in-law)
• A warm apartment
• Electricity
• Running water
• Cleaning supplies
• Washer/dryer
• Deodorant
• Toothpaste
• Q-tips
• Soap
• Shampoo
• A job
• Co-workers
• Money
• Scholarships
• Good teachers
• Chance to get a higher education
• A reliable car
• A window scraper
• Friends
• TV
• TV shows
• Movies
• Christmas movies
• Music
• Pandora
• Christmas music
• Stairs
• Elevators
• Escalators
• Clothes
• Shoes
• Socks
• Computers
• Internet
• Facebook (sometimes)
• Twitter
• Jokes
• A sense of humor
• Jesus Christ
• Heavenly Father
• The Holy Ghost
• Revelation
• The atonement
• The sacrament
• My ward family
• The Huntsman Cancer Institute
• Excellent doctors
• Modern medicine
• Missionaries
• Good examples
• Letters
• Emails
• Telephones
  
  And much more.

What are you thankful for? Write a list. Put it in your journal, or put it up somewhere. And HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Keep running!

Another Few Trips to the Huntsman

Since school started, I've tried to write every other week. So I should've written last week, but it was in the middle of all this situation and we still didn't know what we know now. I honestly tried to write something, but nothing came to me. So, a week late, here's what is up.


Today I've got some good news and bad news.

Bad news first. I've had a tiny lump by my Adam's Apple for about a month. When we first talked with my Huntsman doctor, he said that it's too small to really do anything. Then, about two weeks ago at my normal check-up, it was decided to poke it and take a small sample to put under the microscope. The pathology team poked about five times to get an accurate sample.

My doctor also decided to go ahead and plan a small surgery to go ahead and get the lump out, regardless of what the results were.

Fast forward one day: we made it back to Cedar. My doctor's nurse called and said what the doctors had said from first glance at the end of my appointment. They didn't dismiss it, saying it was begign, and they didn't say that it was a recurrence. The word they use was "suspicious" and that we'd still go ahead with the surgery.

Skip ahead about a week: Nov 9 (three days ago). I had a CT scan just to see what we were up against.

Yesterday, Monday, Nov 11, we received another call from my doctor's nurse. The bad news? Yes, it is officially a malignant spot.

NOW to the good news! Although the CT scan did show that the lump is malignant, there is no sign of cancer around anywhere else it my head or neck. The only problem spot is the lump.

Hopefully, this surgery will be it!

Along with my parents and a few others, we've come up with some solutions I can implement to hopefully knock out this cancer forever, FOR GOOD! Because cancer cells feed off of sugar, naturally that's the first thing to cut down. I've already started to eat less sugar... candy, ice cream, you know. Basically everything that tastes super good. The second thing is to eat out less, and cook more healthier meals. The third thing is to eat more fruits and vegetables.

Now, being on my own will make it more of a challenge, but more the most part, I can say so far, so good.

Part of me is pretty upset. I want to get rid of this for good. But the other part of me knows that this is happening for a reason. I'm STILL learning, I'm still growing. It will only get better from here!

I know it's hard to ask for help, but here it goes. Please say a prayer that my family and I can get rid of this cancer for good. Say a prayer that the Huntsman Cancer Institute will continue to extend lives, bring smiles back, and help in the worldwide fight against cancer. Pray for everyone that cancer has had some effect in their life, whether it is to them personally, or a family member or friend.

Keep running!

"The Greatest Blessings Come After Conference is Over"

It's fall break. Two claps for a four-day weekend.

BUT I'm at work. I've been working all weekend:

Thurs 7am-12pm
Fri     4pm-11pm
Sat     4-11
Sun    4-11
Mon   4-11
Tues   6am-12

Yeah. I know.

That's my fall break in a nutshell. Now, I'm not complaining to my co-workers or managers. I'll be honest, it does suck to work six days in a row. However, here's a few reasons why I've loved it.

1. More hours = higher paycheck
2. It's a slow weekend here
3. Both the co-worker and I who are working all weekend are from here in Cedar; the two others got to go home/spend time with family
4. General Conference talks
5. I've met some incredible people

This weekend, I've had a lot of free-time. Besides the cleaning and usual work, I've had at least FOUR hours (three of the shorter shifts) of nothing to do. Two weeks ago, I wasn't able to listen to General Conference as much as I would have liked to. As life is, I was surrounded by distractions. I took a few notes. There were some talks that stood out to me, but for the most part I hadn't gotten very much out of conference.

But then came Friday, when I had the amazing idea: Why don't I just listen to conference talks this weekend? I've got time. So thanks to the Gospel Library app and a quiet lobby, I've been listening to each talk and each session while taking notes. About an hour ago, I finished the Sunday morning session.

As usual, once I pay attention, General Conference becomes that much more amazing. I now have pages of notes from everything I've listened to. I've heard amazing doctrine and insight from our prophets and apostles. The church really is true. I can testify that I know, without a doubt, that it is. It contains all of the doctrine, principles, guidance, and comfort (and much more) that we need to make it through this life.

In his talk from the Saturday morning session, Robert D. Hales said that "the greatest blessings come after conference." Well, it's after conference. From the start of Friday's shift, I noticed my countenance change. I saw in myself a change as I wanted to listen to conference; as I wanted to listen to the words of God through His prophets. All of a sudden, I didn't mind that I would be working all weekend. I didn't mind meeting and greeting new faces (which I secretly dislike sometimes). My dislike of work and the monotonous tasks changed. I started to have a real smile on my face, not just a fake "Welcome! How are you today?" smile. I've met some pretty awesome people, one of whom I will probably be seeing around at school! On Saturday- within an hour- two different guests brought me a treat; one, a cupcake, and the other, ice cream from the place they had dinner. I saw a note from a different guest this morning that read, "The staff was really nice and helpful (we are here to visit the parks and don't have many info)."

Now I'm not saying that I'm a star employee or something now. I just am emphasizing what I know to be true. It's been testified to me throughout my trials and throughout this weekend. If my heart is turned toward the Lord and His word, it will ultimately make me a better person. It has changed my countenance and outlook. It changed me to become more outgoing and I sure hope the people I have come in contact with have seen the light of Christ in my eyes.

Today's advice to you? Turn your heart toward the gospel. Don't just be good or do good activities on Sunday. Incorporate the gospel and the light of Christ into your life EVERY day. It will make your life better. It has mine.

Keep running.

This Blog Has Been...

I know I'm getting worse and worse at writing regularly.


But for me, that's okay.


For the last nine months, this blog (yes, you can call it a blog, but please don't call me a blogger) has been a place to write down my thoughts and feelings. I've shared aspects of my life that have helped me go through what I've been through. No, I'm not sharing what I have learned as if I'm some sort of perfect person, because I'm not, nor do I think I am. There are things that one learns through trials that he/she needs to share.

I've wanted to do something like this blog for quite some time, and I know that it something I needed to do. I hope that those of you reading this have benefitted in some way. I hope that I've reached hearts, helped lives, and given people some insight on what really matters in life! If there is just one thing I've learned from the past almost four years, it's that the best thing you can do in life is reach toward the Savior. I definitely see Him as my best friend. When I'm sad, I reach out to Him. He's there. When I'm happy, I reach out to Him. I pray to my Heavenly Father in the name of Christ of how grateful I am for the things I've been given, the life I've been able to live, and the joy I've been able to experience. Once again, here's my favorite picture of the Savior.

I've grown a TON in the last ten months. At that time, I was getting ready for surgery yet again, wondering why the cancer had come back and why I had to face this again. I firmly believe that Heavenly Father has the power that could cause me to be cancer free- forever. I know that He allowed this trial in my life again because He knew that ultimately I could benefit from it. I've become a better person, a responsible adult, and I have so much more of a love for life and for the gospel. (In fact, I'm looking into a career in Speech Pathology. I wouldn't have even thought of this career if I did not have surgery and teeth removal, leading to the help of a speech therapist.)


I want you, reader, to know that I have a testimony of the gospel. I know that Heavenly Father is a loving God and father, and He wants us to return to Him someday as individuals greater than we could ever be in the Pre-Mortal life. I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior. He suffered not only for our sins, but for our pains, sufferings, and every time we feel hurt or alone. I'm grateful to be surrounded by amazing family, great friends, and good examples. I've been in a place where I was not close to the gospel, and I can promise you that although it might be a little work to read your scriptures and pray every day, it makes life SO much better. A life without the gospel is a life needing a new direction!

I hope that you have benefitted from this blog, and I hope to continue writing on it as long as I see fit. Thanks for reading my thoughts.

Keep running!

Insert Witty Title Here

He-e-ey! Long time, no... Talk? Read?

Back when I started this, I told myself I was going to write every week for as long as I could. I did really good for a while! It was a really good outlet for me while I was recovering. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm not writing every other week, now that I'm moved out, have a job, and going to school?

Things have been going really good for me. I miss my parents and little bro, but it's been a good experience. I'm getting used to living with others, providing for myself, and being responsible.

My classes are really good. I have three Communications classes (Writing for Comm, Interpersonal Comm, and Nonverbal Comm), a graphic design class (Digital Imaging), and CSIS (basic computer stuff... yeah........).

My ward is really awesome. I just got a calling, and I love the people I'm surrounded by.

My overall health has been good. I've been feeling great. I ride my bike to school quite a bit, and I even went running today!!

Although it's been smooth sailing for the most part, I have had my bad days. I've had times when I miss home. I've had times when I have a pretty good chat with my Heavenly Father. But every time that I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.

By the way, that's not what I was going for. That was a How I Met Your Mother quote. :)

When I'm sad, I can turn to the best person ever. My Heavenly Father. I'm grateful for Heavenly Father and His influence in my life. I'm grateful that for the gospel and that I can constantly strive to be better. I'm grateful for the people in my life, and the people I run into at Wal-Mart. :) I'm REALLY grateful for loving parents who raised me in the church, taught me how to be righteous, how to live a good life, and how to be responsible. I can never thank them enough!

See that? You can even tell from a picture that they're just AWESOME!

So as I said earlier, I went running today. It was only 2-ish miles and I felt like I was going to die, but it was nice to remember how much I love running. Today was day one of getting back into the thing I love. And just for fun, here are 50 reasons why you should run:

1. I run to leave my troubles behind.
2. I run to move forward.
3. I run to be alone.
4. I run to be with others.
5. I run to push myself to my limits.
6. I run to test myself.
7. I run to compete with others.
8. I run to compete against myself.
9. I run to think about everything.
10. I run to think about nothing.
11. I run to listen to my heart.
12. I run to listen to my thoughts.
13. I run to listen to my music.
14. I run to listen to the quiet.
15. I run to take in the scenery.
16. I run to explore a new city.
17. I run to work out wherever I am.
18. I run to get from point A to B.
19. I run to save on gas.
20. I run to just get out and go.
21. I run to break in my shoes.
22. I run to buy new shoes.
23. I run to salute the sun.
24. I run to be in nature.
25. I run to have a routine.
26. I run to be spontaneous.
27. I run to breathe.
28. I run to relax.
29. I run to energize.
30. I run to reach new goals.
31. I run to reach new heights.
32. I run to reach new distances.
33. I run to get sweaty.
34. I run to become breathless.
35. I run to get vitamin D.
36. I run to manage my weight.
37. I run to enjoy that dessert
38. I run to be fit.
39. I run to be healthy.
40. I run to have great legs.
41. I run to have great lungs.
42. I run to be faster.
43. I run to be stronger.
44. I run to get better.
45. I run to escape.
46. I run to be present.
47. I run to be mindful.
48. I run to be a better athlete.
49. I run to be a better person.
50. I run to feel alive.
51. This picture.....
    

    

I run because I can. And as long as I can run, I will. (Source: here)
By the way.... I added #51.


So today, my "goodbye" applies to me, too. To all of you out there, just be you. The best you you can be.

Keep running!

Dental Implants, Phase One

First off, let me apologize. I haven't been writing regularly. The last few weeks have been really crazy! Here's an update on what's been happening.

I am now living away from the "house" in an apartment close to SUU! I've explained it before; they were built by my dad's company, and are within half a mile from the school, easy walking distance. I have my own room and bathroom, and so far- I'm loving it!

I thought dental implants would be a while down the road, but about a month ago, my mom and I went in to the reconstructive dentist for a consultation. We talked about what he could do, and set up a surgery for August 19th (last Monday). What this dentist explained was pretty amazing. Step one would be to drill posts into my fibula bone. Step two would happen about four to five months later- putting the actual teeth in (December or January). The teeth would be screwed right into the posts.

 

The above picture is of my jaw right after Monday's surgery. (I don't know why my top front teeth aren't showing up, but don't worry. All the top ones are still there) You can see the four posts drilled into my "fibula jaw" on the left side. The lighter part directly above it is tissue. So obviously, if you looked into my mouth right now, you wouldn't be able to see those four posts. If you look to the next dark white... um, object?... just right of the four posts, that is the fifth one. You can tell, because it's shorter than the tooth next to it. If you remember, I had four teeth remaining on the bottom. Because the new implant teeth will be one piece, that fifth post will really help bridge it all together.

And it really could use the help in bridging it together because of this picture. This is an X-ray of the bone/metal. There is a gap down there, but it's okay because the jaw is held together really well. You can see how small the fibula bone is compared to (what the doctors call) the "God given" bone. But hey, isn't it better than not having half a jaw? I'm totally okay with that front tooth being removed, taking one for the team, because once these implants are in, it'll be awesome! (and between you and me, that tooth was decaying anyway, so it would've needed some good work done to it- BLESSING!)

I know this is probably a little weird, but you know what? I wonder if I should share less, but cases like mine require the truth. A good, logical explanation- and here it is.

I moved some stuff home on Sunday the 18th, and my mom and I left for the surgery that night. We stayed with Barbie and Steve, my aunt and uncle, in Farmington. The surgery was Monday morning, and we were on the road back home within three and a half hours after we got there. I was given an anesthetic (I butchered that, but thank you, Spell Check!) and I don't remember the surgery. I was told I'd be awake, but I just wouldn't remember it. I do remember a few things, like the dentist saying, "Open your mouth more!" but other than that, I just woke up like normal and everything went well.

The recovery is comparable to a wisdom teeth surgery, but a lot less bleeding/numbing/pain. My mouth did hurt and did bleed, but I barely bled at all after about 12 hours. I spent until Friday at home. We went up to a family reunion Friday night and Saturday, came back home that night, and I moved back into town yesterday (Sunday).

Our family reunion was great! But more on that later. (There's my "How I Met Your Mother" style of storytelling right there, I don't know if you even caught that. I think I'm clever.)

I'm blessed. Keep running.

I'm on the "Up and Up"

I never know how to start these posts... It's kind of like writing a paper. I know what I want to say, and common knowledge that it's a good idea to write the body of the paper first, and the introduction later. Because of the perfectionist I am, I can't do that. I struggle sometimes trying to make the perfect introduction. But once I get going, it just flows.

Now, you might be wondering why I told you that. Well, one, it shows you a part of how my brain works; and two, intro? Check.

There's a song by Relient K called "Up and Up." The words don't exactly describe what I'm trying to portray, but it has a good overall message:

The first verse goes like:

"Yesterday was not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today, with every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

'Cause it seems I get so hung up on the history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see
But I'm finally catching on to it, yeah, the past is just a conduit
And the light, there at the end is where I'll be"

 

I really like this song because it talks about that that yesterday happened, but today is what I need to focus on. I shouldn't focus on past mistakes, past unachieved goals, past things I could've done. "I haven't given up on what I know I'm capable of."

 

Every day should be a new start, a new change. A new chance for you to start over, work on your goals and what you want to achieve.

 

 

I'm on the up and up. I'm getting back into life again, continuing on with school, and being more independent. I've set goals to work out and goals to not complain, to look at the bright side, and to be a better person. Set your goals, and direct yourself to the up and up!

 

(thank you, Relient K for the "Up and Up" reference)

 

Keep running!

There's A Reason

Things happen for a reason. We might not know it now, or ever, but God knows what He's doing. Watch this video by the Mormon Channel, from a series called "The District." It shows a little bit more into what missionaries do. (if you don't want to watch the whole thing, start at 13:37 to about 15:04)

Elder Hepworth, one of the missionaries shown in the series, has cancer. His cancer was a different kind than mine, and required chemotherapy, which mine didn't. But his trials are similar to the ones I had. I've been worn out by treatments. I've asked Heavenly Father for help. I want to be normal, I don't know why I have cancer. I second the feeling, like he said, when Elder Hepworth said that he knew Heavenly Father was there and that no matter what happens, it's going to be okay.

------------

 

This next video is a really good message, that everyone should watch.

 

 

I love it when she says that she looked at her trials with the word "curse." But now, she looks at it with the word "blessing." That's exactly how I feel. Sometimes I feel that I am just "cursed," but when I look at my life, I look at people telling me how I am helping them, and I look at the change I've made from 3 and 1/2 years ago, I know I am "blessed."

 

So, yes, I believe there's a reason for everything. We might not know it now, tomorrow, next year, or ever, but it doesn't matter. Heavenly Father is in charge, and He knows what He's doing!

 

Keep running.

Good News

Blessings in disguise are interesting.

I'm preparing to move out soon. I can start moving stuff in as early as August 1 to save my room. I won't "move out" though until a few weeks later. Although I received an answer that moving out is what I need to do, I was still really worried about cancer. My scheduled CT scan was supposed to be July 30, TWO days before I'd start moving out.

And I couldn't help but think, "Well, what if things aren't good? What if I have to cancel my lease?"

Honestly, I was really kind of worried. I've been praying that things would be okay and work out according the Lord's will, and here's what happened:


Last week, I woke up on Sunday morning with a swollen jaw. We called the Huntsman, they scheduled a CT scan and appointment for the upcoming Wednesday, and prescribed some antibiotics for me. We went up to Salt Lake on Wednesday, had the CT scan, and the doctors said that it was a small infection that caused the swelling. Nothing bad, but just something to watch. The hospital called on Friday morning, and guess what?

There is no sign of cancer in me. I am CANCER FREE! There is really nothing better than hearing those words. It silenced my fears. It was definitely a tender mercy. The Lord knew I was worried about this scan and moving out, and did some work for me! So getting that infection was really a blessing.

I'm honestly super excited to move on with my life. I'm not completely out of the woods, but this is the first step. Cancer is something tough to deal with, and I would love to not have to keep having surgeries off and on for the next 40 years. :)
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me become where I am today. I couldn't thank everyone, it would be way too long of a list. If you're in a hard place right now, don't worry. Heavenly Father has promised blessings, and all you need to do is be patient and your blessings will come sooner or later. Hang in there.


Keep running!

A Small Bump in the Road

This last weekend was a lot of fun! We went to a family reunion up in Highland (Provo area). It was really great to see cousins and family that I haven't seen for a long time!

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I noticed my jaw was a little swollen. It was on my right side, the side where I don't have any teeth. My first thought was "Okay, it will make my face a little more round and full," which is a good thing. Saturday was great and I didn't feel very much pain. We went to the reunion, Seven Peaks, and then headed home.

On Sunday morning, I woke up and my jaw/cheek was really swollen! We decided to call up to Huntsman and talk to the doctors up there. If we lived closer to Salt Lake, they probably would've had me come in and they would've checked it out. But the doctor had us send in some pictures and stuff, and the doctor prescribed an antibiotic. We are heading up on Wednesday just to get it checked out and to get a CT scan.

I'm pretty sure it's an infection. Since yesterday morning, I've seen a little.... um.... pus? drainage?.... leak out of a small opening inside my mouth. When I had my infection in December that I was back in the hospital for, we were told that it's not abnormal for me to get an infection, just because my body is trying hard to recover. The skin on the floor of my mouth has only been there since December, so it's not totally invincible as one might expect. I'm guessing was caused the swelling and "infection" is either some food, or maybe that I went swimming Friday night and got some pool water in my mouth.

Now if you're thinking about what happened with my last infection, don't worry. That last one was worse because it was right after my surgery, leaking from my incision, and I had an allergic reaction to a medicine I didn't know I was allergic to. But this time, I'm seven months out, the infection is not too big, and I'm not allergic to the medicine I've been prescribed for.

Other than my jaw being a little painful and me being swollen, I feel pretty much fine. I'm grateful for the fact that I can talk to my managers and they are easily able to take care of getting my shifts covered. And I'm grateful for modern medicine!

Keep running!

Never Alone

Well, I didn't write last week and I'm writing a day late this week. Surprise!

The reason I didn't write last week is because I forgot on Monday, and on Tuesday when I realized I missed, I just thought, "Well really, what am I going to write about anyway?" Sometimes coming up with topics is a hard thing for me. Which means I shouldn't be a columnist. Or, I need some more practice if I want to become that!



I want to share something that happened back in January that I don't think I've mentioned. It's a really neat story.

So in early January, the principal from the high school I went to called the house. He explained that the money raised from the Hodson Cancer Classic, a basketball tournament over Christmas break, was given in memory of Steve Hodson (who was a well known basketball coach at SUU and Canyon View and passed away from cancer a few years ago) to families who are going through cancer. And when he said, "We would like Erik and family to be one of the families we give it to!" And when I heard, I was kind of shocked, but super happy!

So the night of the Cedar vs Canyon View basketball game comes, and my whole family and I got to get in for free! At half time, they started the program. Both the other family and my family were called up to the center of the basketball court, and our stories were shared.

After they shared my story, the most AMAZING thing happened! I looked up into the Cedar High student section (I knew most of these kids from high school and being in Student Gov), and it started of with just a few people, but they started raising their hand in the "I love you!" sign, and eventually the whole student section was doing it!


It was seriously the coolest thing I have ever seen. Ever.


And I just couldn't help but smile as I looked, and they all smiled back, some with tears, but everybody showing their support! In fact, I was told that the Canyon View student section was doing it as well. I couldn't see them because they were on the other side of the gym, standing behind us.

I have never felt so loved by my peers than I did at that moment. And even though the hardest part of my cancer was over, that night solidified to me that I'm not alone in this. I have family, friends, and even some people I don't even know who will support me. Cancer isn't just something one person faces, but a whole group of people.

And I'll always remember, everytime I think about to that game and that night. The "I love you" hands from my high school peers. Really, I'm grateful for that!

If you're reading this, and you were there at the game, thank you. Thank you for your love, support, and help. Thank you for the smiles that I always see when you say hello. I may not know you, but gosh, I sure love ya!

Yes, I'm quoting High School Musical, but it's comforting to me when I say that "we're all in this together!"

Have a great day, and keep running!

An Update on Life

It's been really kind of exciting to get back into life again while I continue to get better and see myself improve. Today's post is just to fill you in on life lately.

Just recently, I got a denture. I'm sure you all know that out of my bottom teeth, I only have 4. So this denture looks legitimately real and gives me some front teeth on the bottom row. And I do sound better when I talk! A dentist/orthodontist in my ward, Dr White, deserves a huge shout out for this. Thank you!! I never thought I'd say that I have a denture at age 19, but okay. We joke about how out of all my siblings, I never had to get braces, but then have all these other problems. Ironic, isn't it?

Looks real, doesn't it?

 

I have a calling! Ihave a calling! I am a primary teacher for a Valiant 8 class. I team teach with an old young men's leader, and I love it. Primary is such a good calling, I'm learning a lot!

About a month ago, I got a job. I work at the Stratford Court Hotel and the Best Western El Rey Inn. It's the two hotels on both sides of the Tiki Shack. I'm a front desk clerk, and really, I love it. I've had some crazy people to deal with already (for example, a woman who calls at 3 AM to complain about not having a TV in her room- which really is kind of a problem. But at 3 AM? She did rent out about 5 rooms). I work with some awesome people and it's cool to meet so many new faces. I miss working at DQ, but this job is a little less hectic and loud, which  is good for me right now.

After praying and thinking about it for quite a while, I decided that I am moving out! I am moving into an apartment complex my dad is building, called Thunderbird Landing. I wasn't sure if I should've or not, but in this last conference, that was one of my questions. I heard the term "self reliant" a few times in about three different talks and knew that was my answer! It's kind of frightening, especially because of what the checkup could show next month, but really, all I need to do is trust, and everything will work out!

 

I officially declared a major and minor! We'll see if I actually stick with it. I am a Communications major with a Strategic Communication emphasis and a minor in Graphic Design. I would love to go into Public Relations or Advertising. With my counselor, we mapped out the rest of courses I need to take, and I could have my Bachelor's in three years of schooling! Exciting, huh?

 

 

 

I decided that I'll be attending SUU again for both the fall and spring semesters, since the earliest I could think about a mission is next spring. I'm taking 15.5 credits this fall, and I'm excited to be on my own and to be in college again, with classes a little harder than generals. I've been blessed that I will have all of school paid for. It really helps, because I've had a little more to worry about before. After next spring, I honestly don't know. If I can't go into the mission field/service mission quite yet, I've thought about being an EFY counselor. So I've got a few options. 

 

I've spent my summer working, hanging out with the family, watching Netflix, and reading/writing letters to my friends in the mission field. I live having some sort of a routine, but being lazy as well.

It's so exciting to get back into life again and I'm really excited to move on and hopefully be done (or as close to done as I can get) with having cancer. It's helped my life tremendously, but it's time to get on with bigger and better things in my life. I hope that everything works out well the next few months!

Keep running.

Six Months Ago

I cannot believe it's already been six months since my huge surgery!

 

 

 

 

Yes, it took me the whole week up there to grow my "mustache," if you can call it that!

 

 

Does the PT guy kinda remind you of Haymitch?

 

 

 

Aint I perdy?

 

 

When I think about all that has happened over the last six months, a few thoughts come to mind.

 

First, I'm amazed. Amazed at how I've been able to heal, amazed that I seem "normal," amazed at the miracles that can happen, and amazed at what I've been blessed with!

 

Second, I'm heartbroken. Heartbroken that I have to face this trial again. Heartbroken that I can only imagine how my parents feel- their child with cancer. Heartbroken that I am harder to understand, and it's harder to eat.

 

But I'm also full of love. Love for my friends who surprised me the weekend before my birthday, love for my family for being so awesome through everything, love for those around me by always asking how I'm doing or feeling.

 

Lastly, I'm full of hope. Hope that someday I will again be officially cancer free. Hope that I can move past this and get on to the bigger and better things that come with being an adult. Hope for a future when cancer isn't a threat. Hope for the resurrection, when my body will be PERFECT!

 

The biggest thing I've learned in the last six months is that nothing good will happen unless you have hope, optimism, and faith.

I made this in Graphics during my senior year. I still have to say
that it is one of my favorite quotes!

 

Bad things happen everyday, but how one responds and grows because of the adversity is what matters.

 

Keep running.

Good Things To Come

I came across this video yesterday, and I think it's definitely worth five minutes of your time.

Bad things that happen are really inconvenient. For me, having cancer was never part of "the plan," or so I thought. But I like it when the video says that "we all have times when we need to know that things will get better... and that's what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us."

One word comes to mind: hope.

What do I hope? Well, I hope that I can be completely healed, I hope to be able to serve the Lord through a mission, I hope to marry in the temple, I hope to meet my Savior again one day.

Throughout my treatments and recoveries, the thought that "things WILL get better" always stuck out in my mind. Isn't it comforting to know that at some point in the future, it will be better?

For some points in my life, things have gotten better. Life really is good. I can't complain for all that I've been blessed with. And for some other points, I'm still waiting. But that doesn't mean that I'm hating life. It's frustration to deal with myself and my life sometimes, but not frustrating to a point where I regret anything. I love my life, and everything in it!

So remember, if things aren't "good," reevaluate yourself, count your blessings and always remember that no matter who or where you are, there are "good things to come."

Keep running!

It's Part of the Test

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I believe in the Plan of Salvation. I know that once we die, we're not "done." This earth life is just a small portion of the plan.

For an explanation of the Plan of Salvation directly from the official church websites, click here or here.

We lived as spirit children of our Heavenly Father in the Pre-Mortal Existence before this life. The reason that we are on the Earth is first, to gain a physical body; and second, we are being tested. We learn, progress, and experience how we would act away from our Heavenly Father. That's why this earth life is sometimes called the "test."

Before coming to Earth, we were told what we would face on the Earth, and then as we went through the veil and were born, we had no recollection of the Pre-Mortal Existence while in this life. I can only wonder what I was thinking when I was told what I'd face. I'm ready, get me down there! or I don't know about this. I want to say that I thought Well, it's sure not going to be easy. But as long as I'm faithful it will all be worth it in the end!

While going through certain trials I have, I realize that this is the plan for me all along. But Heavenly Father didn't allow me to have cancer just to "make things interesting." He allowed me to have cancer because He knew the growth that I could potentially have, and how much it really would bless my life. It's all part of the test. I'm growing from the test, and hopefully by the time I die of extremely old age, I plan to live to about 150 :), I can say that I worked hard throughout the test and know the "grade" I'm getting will definitely be worth it.

Another thing I've kind of had a hard time with is watching my friends leave on missions. It's been really hard to see them go, not because I'll miss them (don't get me wrong, I will), but because if I hadn't had a relapse, I would be out in the mission field right now. I want to go, but I can't because I'm not healthy enough right now. But I've had testament after testament that I will serve a mission. Maybe not a full time mission like everyone else, but somehow I will serve the Lord. It's not Heavenly Father's plan for me to be out in the field right now. Dealing with this, and realizing that Heavenly Father knows what He's doing is part of the test.

Sometimes I fight with my brother. I love the heck out of him, and I'm learning more and more about unconditional love, Christ's love, for everyone. That's part of the test.

A partially new jawbone, missing teeth, scars, a dry mouth and speech is all part of the test.

Like any test, there are super hard parts. There are kind of hard parts. And there are easy parts. But throughout the whole thing, we need to remember one thing:

It's    an      OPEN  BOOK  test!

 

 

(and this isn't it!)

If you'd like a copy of any of these, please let me know. I'd be more than happy to get one for you.

 

 

If you remember one of my previous posts, I told about how reading the Book of Mormon seriously, every day, made a difference in my life for the better. So I encourage you to read these open books everyday. EVERY day. It will make the test easier, I promise you. It's made parts of my test easier!

 

 

Until next week, keep running!

   -and keep reading, too! :)

Quoting the Quotable Quotes

To write, you kind of have to be in the mood. And let me tell ya, I'm not anywhere near the mood right now. So for today, here are words of wisdom from other people!



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This last one is probably my favorite one! It can apply to anything. Trials, mission, marraige, having children. It will be worth it.

 

Until next time, keep running!