Today, December 13, 2013 marks one year from this 13-hour, life changing, jaw altering, fibul-less, surgery.
I am STILL in awe at the enormity of it. I had no IDEA this surgery was even possible. Did you? I mean, seriously! How did anyone ever think it was even possible to take out a portion of the fibula, not replace it with anything, put the fibula in place of part of the jawbone, and still have me look normal, talk normal, walk normal, and even run normal?
Sometimes when I think back to everything that happened a year ago, I just want to curl up into a ball. It was hard. Not being able to eat or drinking anything through my mouth for a week on top of a dry mouth, limited neck movement, a feeding tube, that stupid nurse that suctioned out my trach, the trach ITSELF (grrr...), the constant nurse visits, the infection that caused another hospital stay, having an anaphylactic allergic reaction, withdrawing from Spring semester, quitting my job, not being able to lay on my stomach to sleep, and learning how to move my tongue again.
Although it makes me devastated to think about what I've been through, I turn and think of everything good about that surgery and the last year. I spent more time with my parents, had an awesome nurse, stayed at one the best cancer facilities in the world, was in the hands of amazing doctors and staff that I would (and obviously did) trust my life with, gaining a strong testimony of my Savior, Heavenly Father's plan, and the Atonement, celebrating my birthday by eating Winger's... and not in a hospital, taking some time off of school and work, finding out what I want to be when I "grow up", realizing my plan in Heavenly Father's book, getting my patriarchal blessing, having my friends surprise me on my birthday, sharing the gospel, sharing my testimony, improving my life, and getting one step closer to getting rid of this stupid cancer for good.
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When I think back over the last year, there is bad, but there is good. And a lot more of the good. And although I would never wish what I've been through on my worst enemies, I'm truly truly grateful for the last year. It's totally screwed up the direction I was supposed to be going in, but that's okay. Because the direction I'm headed in now is one I'm proud of. I've grown substantially, both spiritually, emotionally, and physically, in the last year. I'm closer to becoming a person I hope my Heavenly Father is proud of.
The best thing about the gospel is change. Change for the better. Heavenly Father KNOWS just what we need to go through in order to make that change. And it will never be anything we cannot do. I take comfort every day in knowing that I made it through some pretty dark days. I take comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father loves me enough to test what I am capable of, so that if I endure it well, it will be a substantial blessing in my road to Heavenly Father.
What's next, you might ask? Well, I have two words for you. Keep running.
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