It's about the Heart / TWO sheets

Erik Gray's journals

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written July 17, 2015

....After I left the temple , I went to Costco to pick up some food/groceries for mom and Brooke, most of which to use this Sunday!  I spent about an hour, or more in there! :)  I also started talking to a lady who was doing the samples.  She asked me what happened to my neck and I told her.  She told me about how it's not about appearance, it's about the heart.  I told her to look up Stephanie Nielson (Nie-Nie-plane crash/burn survivor).  We talked about religious stuff for a little bit....

.....When I came home, I read/skimmed through my mission journal and emails, and wrote a list of all the blessings I've had or seen during my mission.  I got TWO sheets (front and back), and I didn't even get everything down!!

As quick as the snap of a finger

Erik Gray's journals

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written July 17, 2015

    Remember how yesterday (in my journal) I wrote about feeling un-forgiven - why would I feel good and forgiven, and then suddenly not feel good about things I've repented of with the Lord?  Well, it still bugged me tonight.  I searched and tried to read and find something that would answer that question.  BUT then I prayed.  I asked,  "Heavenly Father, why would I feel bad about a past situation I've taken care of with thee?"  

    And the thought came to me that I am tired.  I have tended to be a lot harder on myself when I'm tired, especially Saturdays, the end of the week.  The thought that I'm just so exhausted and the conversation with a good friend brought up old feelings and because I am tired, I couldn't shake it.  Sounds like the most interesting explanation of it. But the immediate change from uneasiness to peace - GREAT PEACE - as quick as the snap of a finger... I knew that without a doubt, this answer was from God.  How grateful I am that He listens and answers.  I love prayer and that I am connected to Heavenly Father.  I think that it deals with fear...why am I so afraid of the person I was and the mistakes I made?  The past is just that, the past.

   

pc:  Erik G - Fall 2016 - Bryce Canyon

Getting Left At Church

Erik Gray's Journals
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A paper written for an 
English Assignment 
in middle school

Erik - 8th grade- Middle school

GETTING LEFT AT THE CHURCH

The bright sun, the clear blue sky, and cool spring air couldn't have made for a more beautiful Sunday afternoon.  It seemed impossible with the tornado-like winds of Cedar City for such a perfect day as this!  Little did I know the events of what happened that day were far from perfect, and I wouldn't remember this day so well because of the weather, but because of what happened.

Our church block meeting had just ended, and as the family was walking to the car, I suddenly had the urge that everyone has a couple times a day.  I specifically got my mom's attention and told her to wait while I ran inside to go to the bathroom.

After I had finished my business, I pushed the door open to return to where the car was.  As I looked to where we had parked, I saw to my ultimate horror, our car and the Gray family- minus one person- driving right out of the parking lot! As frantic as I was, I ran- fully sprint- after my family, hoping I could catch up.  I didn't ever take into account that I could just find a ride home with someone else.

I ran as fast as my little legs would carry me, going out the parking lot, past the vet clinic, and as I came to the main road, Highway 56, I still followed, hoping by some miracle I would be able to catch up to a now 55 miles an hour car zooming down the road.  I don't know why I kept running, but I did!  And it's a good thing, too, because my family had pulled over to pick up our neighbor.  Austin had gotten left by both his parents (because they each thought the other had him) and had decided to walk home.  As he was climbing into the back seat, I was still booking it, yelling "Wait!  Wait! Don't leave me!"  I frantically hit the back window to get their attention before the car sped off again, while I went on my way into the side door.  My family, surprised, astonished, and somewhat amused, started laughing about how they had forgotten me, while I was relieved and also crying about getting left behind.  From that time forward, my parents were sure to check for everyone in the car before taking off, so they wouldn't forget a child again.

Erik -Age 6, when he got left at church - accidentally.

Gotta Milk It!

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written in December 2016

AUGUST: JUST MOVED BACK HOME FROM LOGAN TO CEDAR

Okay. So August 1^st… easy enough day to remember. I had my port surgery that morning, all my stuff was packed in LaFawnDuh the Honda. Dad drove me home in the truck while Mom drove my car with all my stuff. We stopped at the Payson Temple to get up for a minute and stretch on our way home. But then we got home. And the best part about this cancer stuff and my situation is that I didn’t have to unpack any of my stuff. ;) Hehehe I just sat down and watched them unload. The week before I had told Jenna D and Isabel T about this and that my parents would be unloading everything, and they told me to milk it and film it. So I did. I filmed them bringing in a box and I said, “Right there, packmule.” GOTTA MILK IT. WHO WOULD I BE IF I DIDN’T MILK THE CANCER CARD OR HAVE SOME FUN ALONG THE WAY!?!? Not Erik, for sure. ;) Hehehe. But I really really did appreciate having them there. That’s what I’ve noticed since day one of cancer seven years ago…. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING and I would be so lost or suck or sad or not… without my family.

It's in the past

Erik Gray's Journals
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Tuesday, August 19th, 2014
Temple Service Mission

P-day! I got all my laundry done, my room clean (for the most part), and even helped watch Camden and Easton this morning. Talk about a busy day. I know that I'm not ready for kids right now. It's too exhausting. 

I listened to a podcast today, where William Joseph was interviewed.  He is a really amazing piano player.  In part of the interview he talked about being offered the chance to write a music score for part of a show.  It didn't name what the show was.  He watched one of the aired episodes and saw that it was not a good show at all.  He declined the offer.  

That only made me think of the fact that I've watched 'How I Met Your Mother'.  It's funny, but it is so bad.  I love the story line. I constantly bragged about it.  I shouldn't have.  I shouldn't have been so public about a show that is so against my morals.  If I was perfect, I would have never watched that entire series anyway.  But am I perfect? No. No one on this earth is, except Christ.  thankfully, the atonement is really real. I can repent and make up for my sins. Including allowing an environment to stay where spirit is not welcome.  It's in the past.  The only thing I can do is move forward, from any sin.  How great is this gospel?!

Saying Goodbye

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End of his 1 year mission service at the St. George Temple

Saturday, July 18, 2015
We took some pictures of our shift all together.  I said goodbye to lots of people today - in fact, all week.  It was sad to say goodbye to the ladies in the laundry. Tamara and I always get along good.  Janice, kinda stern, gave me a nice goodbye, too. She is actually very sweet.  It made me regret not feeling very happy and loving towards her at times, but I did my best and did show her lots of love and I'm glad I did.

It was bittersweet walking out of the temple today.  On my drive home, I listened to some Hymns, and it got me teary!  Especially "Ye elders Of Israel".  I'm excited for new adventures, but really extremely sad that my temple service mission is just about over.  I don't want to stop serving! But all missionaries feel like that.  It means I loved my mission and loved serving the Lord in that aspect.

Werewolves

Erik Gray's journals

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Sunday, January 31, 2016

I live in an apartment complex called PineView.  Size-wise, it's a lot smaller that T-Bird, but I don't mind it because it tends to make us a little more social.  You go inside the building, and then from inside to the apartment, so everyone (kind of) leaves their doors open; it's a really social place.

I love Logan!  The more time I live here the more convinced I am that this town was made for me!!!  Seriously, I always thought Kelsie was just talking it up, but it really is great.  Especially for my personality.  Cedar is great, but it is a lot more laid back. Logan is really social.  I think the difference is that a lot of people around here are not from here in Logan, but from other places.  So people kind of have to be more outgoing. I feel like I'm really thriving here.  I've made lots of friends.  And I love meeting new people around here.  Janice and Jessica are probably my friends here in Pine View.  But honestly I feel like I am friends with almost everyone here.  My roommates call me the social one and they also ask me who people in the building are cause I know just about everyone.  :)  Capris, my awesome next door neighbor, gave me a compliment just a few weeks ago.  She said, "Erik, one time Alex and I (or maybe someone else...) asked ourselves, 'how did we get to become such good friends?' And I said, Erik. He is always the one inviting people and bringing people together.' Erik, you are like a glue!"  And I thought that was really nice.  And another girl, Annie, told me that she became good friends with Abby across the building because of a thing I invited them both to. 

I just like people!  In fact, I bought the game "Werewolves" last semester, probably about Sept/Oct.  We've played it quite a bit and I've gotten pretty good at narrating.  It's super fun.  We've actually started playing it weekly.  Sunday nights, after ward prayer. It's a tradition now!

A Picture is worth....

Erik Gray's journals

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February 2017

A picture is worth a 1000 words.  

Pictures are also a way of journaling. Erik took many pictures and screenshots. 

He loved snapchat and was proud of some of his snapchat streaks.

Erik has soooo many pictures saved.  We love it.  We treasure them.  

Some pictures speak for themselves.  

Some pictures need some explaining.  I am happy that we know the stories -

well most of them.  

Unfortunately there are some that one must wonder why this picture?!  To Erik, it had meaning, therefore, it has meaning to us... still a photo to be cherished.

Very, Very Powerful!

Erik Gray's journals
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Thursday, August 7, 2014

Today was a grounds day! Last night, I down loaded a number of talks on my phone, and I have started to listen to them on the drive to and from St. George.  One thing I've focused some thinking on, especially getting into my new routine, how far I can get throughout the week on a tank of gas.  I've tried to lessen my thinking and worry about it.  Yes, it's important to think about that kind of stuff, but not so much that it's taking precedence over the temple.  I've already learned that temple work is powerful and important.  And I am so blessed to spend so much time in the temple, I should definitely take advantage of it.  

In the Baptistery today, I was a witness in the font.  I saw Abbey L, Jessica B, Sam and Sarah K and Yoshi S - all from Cedar - while I was there. 

Neat experience today.  In one of the confirmation rooms, I was one of the witnesses, putting my hands on the head with the one who performed the confirmation ordinance.  A husband and wife, older couple, had come into do some family file names - only about two each.  The husband was confirmed (for his proxy name), then confirmed his wife (for her proxy name).  One of those names, I felt peace, the spirit and power.  Like those whose work was performed on their behalf were in the room.  :)  I think the husband and wife felt the same thing.  They were both teary-eyed.  That was my first experience of something like that.  Very, very powerful. :)

Tonight, I did ice cream and a visit to 2000 Flushes and Soda Run with Merrick, Kesia and Kelsey.  It was so fun -much needed - to be with them again!!  :)  I also said good-bye to Kesia.  She moves back home tomorrow.  She'll work until her mission.  She lives in SLC. She's going to the El Salvador Santa Ana mission and leaving in October.

Journal Gems: The Piano Guys

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February 3, 2017

OKAY Piano Guys concert.... AMAZING!!!!! J and I both got posters and t-shirts (diff ones) of a T-shirt and a poster, Mom got a lanyard. We were on the left of the stage (so the stage was about at 10, 11 o'clock view) about row 7. It was perfect because it wasn't too low but wasn't too high. :) I thought our seats were just GOLDEN. They did so good! My favorite song was "It's Gonna Be Okay." I loooove that song because it is so... testimony? Ha ha. It is so eternal, too. Gives me a great perspective. In the grand, eternal scheme of things... it's gonna be okay. Because God is real and loves me and cares about me, and although my cancer situation right now is crap, it's NOT COMPLETELY WHO I AM. It's just a rough patch to help me learn and grow ad prepare for Godliness and AMAZING THINGS TO COME. :) 

I also loved listening to Waterfall because

I know the song SO well and could hear myself and imagine me playing it as Jon played it. I also loved the last song... it was a mash-up of "Fight Song" and "Amazing Grace." It was beautiful. They dedicated it to "Everyday superheroes" and Mom and Dad looked right at me. 😭😭 and Makaley also sent me a very sweet FB message after and told me she thought of me during that song. She is so sweet. And also Donna Jensen (Shane's mom) said the same thing. I was so touched. :)

So during the concert, they weren't just awesome and incredible... they were FUNNY!! The biggest thing that impressed me was that they played the music videos while they performed... totally in sync. THAT was impressive! They are impressive.

Erik playing the grand piano in the lobby of the 

Huntsman Cancer Clinic November 2013.

Journal Gems: Enduring to the End

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Vernal Temple
January 27, 2017

So the session started. AND I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW TIRED I WAS! I was almost nodding off... :( BUT the amazing thing is that God still taught me. :)

Two things that stood out to me from the session:
#1... even up until the last second of the session we are still being taught. Literally right at the veil we are being taught. Learning is a never-ending thing and we should always strive to be learning. Which is interesting at my stage of life. I love the connection. I have a desire to just keep learning and growing. I want to read. And study. And grow and learn more than ever before.

FIRST OF ALL. THE CELESTIAL ROOM. it was glorious and magnificent and hands down is now my favorite Celestial Room of any temple. I can only describe it in the way it is... CELESTIAL!

#2... My tiredness was kind of an analogy... this part of my life, I'm dying... it's the "enduring to the end" stage right now, ya know? And I was soooo tired during the session. So here's the connection. Sometimes it's exhausting to "be good" and to CTR and I feel like just trying to be a good saint is hard and exhausting. But you've just got to keep pushing and keep trying. Because I pushed through and tried my very best to pay attention and to stay awake and really just feel the peace of the session. It was hard. Physically beat.

But once I stepped into the Celestial Room, I was AMAZED. Peace and humility and love just immediately entered into my soul. T beauty and magnificent-ness of that Celestial Room, I just... can't even describe it. Well, okay I can: celestial. 😊 there is a giant picture of the Savior. So the feeling of entering the room for me was Jesus with this arms open about to embrace me, saying "Okay. You've made it! You did and I'm so proud of you. THIS is where you rest because you pushed and tried so hard on Earth." And the scripture of "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

The 5 hr drive for that session was so worth it. Truthfully, I would drive 5 hrs JUST for those 10 minutes we were in the Celestial Room. It. Was. Incredible. Vernal is very close to the top on my list of favorite temples now. I'm so grateful I followed my feelings to come on a road trip out here- even if we just came for the temple. BUT the temple is such a good reason. 😊

I have such a full heart for the gospel. I'm so grateful for God. For my Savior. For peace. For happiness despite me being terminal. I know what's really important in life and I know I'm doing good. Grateful every day for God.

Well, journal, that's all for today!

Journal Gems: Best Birthday Ever

Erik Gray's journals
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January 2016

MY BIRTHDAY: For my birthday this year, I wanted to go to the temple and do some sealings. Dad, Mom, Tim, Brooke, and my boys, and Justin came along. Justin babysat the Tasker boys so that Brooke and Tim could join us for sealing’s. Ashley was newly pregnant and sick and so Ashley and Hayden weren’t able to make it.  I love going to the temple and especially doing family names. The names that we did on that day were the ones that I have been wanting to do as a family for many months and they had been set aside for that purpose. 

For my birthday dinner, I chose Wingers (of course). I was a little bummed that they put us in the corner table (but we were hangry and we dealt with it). We all squished into that corner table. We had a great dinner and when it came time to pay the check, we found out that it had already been taken care of. We don’t know who because we saw quite a few people we knew that night there but we sure are grateful and feel very blessed.

It was the best birthday to be in my favorite place, the temple. Again we focused on the who of my birthday, not the gifts. Going to the temple is my favorite part, by far. They say that your birthday is the best day of the year but it literally was the best day of the year for me. I had so much fun and learned so much gratitude. I was able to spend time with family, got lots of food, we spent the day down at Fiesta Fun with Brook and the boys. We also went up the mountain in St George for fun. It was literally, literally, LITERALLY, the best day of my entire life.