I Wish I Could Tell You That It's Easy

April 13th, 2015 will go down in history as the last day of chemo- EVER. If you didn't see the joyous celebration, check out the video on my Facebook or Instagram feed. I rang the bell. I'm done. What a great feeling!  The day after my treatment, I was administered a shot designed to help boost white blood cells, typically given 24 hours after a chemo treatment. WBCs are what help with your immunity, fight off sicknesses, and allow me back into society. I had never gotten this shot before, so I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. The doctors explained that I'd feel achy in my joints because my bone marrow is going to town making these white blood cells. Suggested aid: Claritin. Take night before chemo treatment, day of treatment, and for a few days after.

I wish that I could tell you that it was all smooth sailing. I wish I could tell you that life was just joyful that week because my white blood cells were happily multiplying inside my body. Well, I'd be wrong to tell you that. I spent 90% of Thursday and Friday on the couch. I felt like crap. No question, it was the hardest week of treatment. What I felt can be compared to that feeling of taking a nap but wake up feeling achy and much worse off. (On the bright side, my nausea level was about a 3 out of 10) I assume that because my body went on a WBC spree, I'll bounce back to 100% faster than normal. I'll take the week of crap in order to feel better one week sooner.

We see all the time on social media the phenomenon of peoples' lives seeming so glorious and perfect, when in reality, no one's life is that perfect. Sorry, that's just the way it is. I have tried to treat my cancer journey the same way, especially with what I post. It's great to post that I'm feeling great, and it's fun to post all the good things that come out of this experience, but let me be frank with you: It's not all easy.

There have been many times where I get mad because I don't want to be the sick kid. I don't want a reason for people to do things like bring us meals or get me a nice gift card. I don't want to spend the day just watching Netflix because that's all I really feel up to. I remember the day where I had the biggest kick-in-the-stomach-and-crotch-at-the-same-time feeling; I sat in the library and unregistered for the following semester because of an upcoming surgery during Christmas break, and I would be out of commission for a while.

There have been times where I questioned. I questioned why things were happening. I questioned why I was still falling into the same bad habits. I questioned why someone my young age had to deal with something so big.

I consider myself happy and optimistic. I consider myself the person that always knows how to have a good time. Guys, I voted myself "Life of the Party" for Senior Favorites [I didn't get it, in case you were wondering]. It's not always easy. Not at all. But can I tell you the secret to my good life? The gospel and atonement of Jesus Christ in my life.

I want to shout it to the world how much I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is not just "something cool" that will suffice for a good thought of the day. It's a way of life, it's a way of happiness, and a way back home to our Heavenly Father. I know you've "heard it all before," but hear me out. I have quite the list of reasons to hate my life, yet I don't. My reason is my Savior.

Looking for the knowledge of why we have trials can be found in many places, but I'd like to share one with you today. Elder David A. Bednar, one of the current leaders on the earth of this Church, gave such an excellent talk on this subject. Read the first story from his talk here, or check out the video below (or through this link).

"Two guiding questions can be helpful as we periodically and prayerfully assess our load: “Is the load I am carrying producing the spiritual traction that will enable me to press forward with faith in Christ on the strait and narrow path and avoid getting stuck? Is the load I am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?”Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness."

Cancer has been a part of my load. It is heavy and I hate it. But it has helped me lead a better life, be more grateful for the life I have, and treasure all my relationships that much more. If my load is what Heavenly Father sees as a way for me to grow, then bring it on. Again, I'll tell you: I wish I could tell you that it's easy. It's not. But it is worth it. So worth it, in fact, that our elder brother, Jesus Christ, paid the price for our sins, downfalls, injustices, and weaknesses so that we could come to this earth, gain a physical body, learn and grow, and return to our Heavenly Father again.

Because of my load, and because I've pushed through the uneasy, I have gained so much. I have a greater relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ. I have a deeper understanding of His sacrifice on our behalf. I have a greater understanding for people. I have a deeper knowledge of the plan of salvation. If we are righteous, this life is the hardest it will get. Temples are really the House of the Lord. Good days come. God does heal. The sun will come out tomorrow, if not today- bet your bottom dollar on it. Had I not gone through cancer, I never would have met most of my friends, I wouldn't be in the exact spot I am today, I wouldn't already have my Associate's degree, and I might be headed down a career path.

[If you don't take anything away from your reading here, take this: Life isn't easy, but God is good. He is there to help you through the hard times so that we can rise above our weaknesses, trials, deficiencies, hardships, addictions, and pain.]

I'm ready to work my hardest to become the person that my Father in Heaven wanted and my Savior suffered for. Are you?

Keep running.