Here We Go Again

If you know me, you know that there is always something going on in the life of Erik Gray. If it's not one thing, it's another. Maybe it's my natural tendency to stay busy. Maybe it's just the way I am. Sometimes, it's something I have control over. Sometimes, it's not.

The last month has been ridiculously crazy. But as crazy as it has been, it has been that much of ridiculous awesomeness (excuse my possibly horrible grammar there).

This and a few other pictures are blurry because the front screen on my
phone is cracked. One of the cracks is right above part of the camera. :)

In July alone, I have jumped off a 25-foot cliff at 2000 Flushes (technically... last day of June), hiked to Squaw Cave, gone fishing, hiked to the secret waterfall, went on a "bro"ad trip, wakeboarded, waterskiied, and drove a Jet Ski at Lake Powell, played Barnyard, drove through the middle of nowhere- eastern Utah, got my mission call, gave my farewell talk, went on a full-moon hike, spent a weekend in St George with the family, became an official service missionary, got a new suit, started my mission, met with a member of the temple presidency, spent 6 days in a row at a temple, went to the Jordan River Utah Temple, and one other thing...

... found out my cancer has returned.

Patrick perfectly explains how I feel toward cancer.

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Last week, we went up to a checkup at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. The Physician's Assistant had a Pathology team come to take a biopsy. (Big words, I know: My doctor's sidekick told the people who look under the microscope to poke me in the neck and take a tiny sample of my lump.) Upon arrival, they explained what they were going to do. They said that they could let us know right then if the biopsy is (unofficially) the cancer or not.

The pathologists looked under the microscope, and were packing up. I asked them what they saw, if they could have some idea of what it was. I was ready for the news because they hadn't already said anything: "It does look suspicious of recurrent cancer."

I've never had that feeling of hearing bad news and feeling like I had been hit by a bag of bricks. Maybe, this time especially, is because deep down I knew it was coming. It's a blessing to be in tune with your body, because in my case, I caught it again pretty early. The CT scan showed no sign of spread, and that the cancer is just in that one lump. Thank goodness.

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I'm not sad, I'm not happy. I am grateful for a handful of things; doctors, modern medicine, the Plan of Salvation, my family, my beliefs, and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I can't help but think, "Why has my cancer come back? Is there something I should have done better? Is there another lesson I need to learn?" But in all honesty, I might not ever know why my cancer is back. Again. And that's okay with me...

I believe that our Heavenly Father (with whom we lived as spirit beings before we came to this Earth life to gain a physical body, learn to choose for ourselves, and learn what is necessary to become like Him and live like Him- if we are faithful- after this life) is loving. I know, without a doubt, that He is watching over us; that He will never leave us unloved, alone, or forgotten. I know that no matter what trials we go through, either because of our mistakes, others' mistakes, or no one's mistake, is for our benefit. I can tell you that I have seen so many improvements in my life, after the hardships I have gone through.

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I will be undergoing a 3-hour surgery on September 8th, followed by an overnight stay. I serve at the temple right now, 5 days a week. The temple is closed for a month for maintenance, starting August 25th. I won't even have to worry about missing time at the temple.

When my Dad and I went to the Jordan River Utah Temple last week, I read a section in the scriptures; Doctrine & Covenants Section 58, a portion reads: "For after much tribulation come the blessings... the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand." I know that coming across that section in the Doctrine & Covenants inside the temple wasn't an accident.

I am constantly reminded every single day that I am loved. I won't be left comfortless. That comfort has come through a number of things... scriptures, feelings, personal revelation, family members, and other people- including seeing people I know inside the temple- which is the coolest feeling.

"Remember, you are not alone. The Savior has promised that He will not leave you comfortless. You also have family, friends, and leaders who are cheering you on" ("Your Four Minutes", Gary E. Stevenson, April 2014 General Conference).

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As I face this extra bump in the road, the advice I give to you, to myself, to anyone who is facing tough times ahead:

1. You are never alone. 
2. Turn to the scriptures, prayer, and family often. Not just when you are having a hard time... do it even when things are going great.
3. Remember the good times in your life.
4. Remember that life isn't always easy. But it isn't always hard.
5. You might be having a rough time right now, but it will get better.
6. Find yourself a role model to look up to. Mine is the Savior.
7. Do what makes you happy.
8. Make some happy memories.
9. If you are in the hospital, make the most of it. Tell your doctor a joke. Play a prank on your nurse. Talk with the person who comes to take your blood pressure.
10. Write in your journal, or your blog. Wherever you write, write it down. You might just thank yourself someday.

Keep running.

First Day on the Job

First day of my service schedule? Check. The last two weeks have been a little interesting, but now that I'm into my schedule, it's time to get rockin'.

Today, I worked on the grounds from 8 a.m. to noon. Just a few observations I noticed today:
1. St George is hot in July. But thank goodness we were done at noon and not any later.
2. I have done so good at keeping myself hydrated. I was sweating bullets.
3. The temple is amazing, and beautiful. And huge. And even for being white, it shines (envision a heavenly choir... "aawwwwww")!
4. Elder Johnson, another missionary at the temple, with whom I worked with today, is a cool guy!!

I'm so excited, truly, to continue my time at the temple. I'm grateful to not only serve there, but really- the power and blessings that happen inside and come from it. I'm grateful for the knowledge of the gospel that I have; families can be sealed for eternity, this life isn't the end, and Jesus Christ, our Savior, is the reason why we are never alone!

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HEALTH UPDATE: I have been feeling great, as usual. I've been catching up on sleep I've lost from the endless nights of hanging out during the year. I have a check-up with one of Dr Hunt's assistants tomorrow, and then again with Dr Hunt himself in a few weeks.

I'll keep you followers, friends, family, etc out there posted on how things go. I am reminded with every checkup that things are in the Lord's hands, so I really have no need to worry, as long as I'm living right. My brother sent me this scripture last night for my first day "on the job"...

"Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.”
—Alma 36:3

Also, look at the picture I snapped this morning, and then the picture I just barely got here in Cedar... apparently "opposition in all things includes the weather, too. ;)

Keep running.

Hey! Guess What?

So guess what? I'm a missionary. Yup, it happened. For those of you who are uninformed, or just want to hear the whole story, here's how it went down.

Back in the spring, I knew that I wanted to serve a service mission. What exactly is that? Well, in simplest terms, part-time glorified volunteered work. I started the process with my Young Single Adult (YSA) ward Bishop and Stake President. With a service mission, you basically get to choose in which capacity you serve.

After months of meeting with my Bishop and Stake President, who deserve a HUGE thank you, everything had been set. I found out a week from last Sunday, July 6th. I am to be a temple worker in the St. George temple!

I will be down there 5 days a week- every day except Sunday and Tuesday, which is my Preparation day. I will be doing something different each day, which includes working in the cafeteria, grounds, baptistry, and being a patron for the "upstairs" ordinances. Once I am more familiar with those ordinances, I can eventually have the opportunity to be an official ordinance worker.

YAHOOO!!!! Right? The scariest thing about all of this is how fast is has come together. On July 6th, I had no idea when I would be called, when I would start, all of that information. I met with my Stake President that afternoon, and found out that my call would be coming in a few days in the mail, my set apart date would be the 15th, and my start date would be the 18th. I talked with my home ward Bishop to schedule a time for my farewell, which was the 13th, only a week away.

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If you did the math from that last paragraph, you realize that right now? Yes, I am officially a church service missionary. As of yesterday. As this isn't a full-time mission, my rules are a little different.

1) I will still be living at home. I am able to keep up with my health concerns if they come up, and able to maintain doctors checkups. I'll see my family everyday. Like I said- part-time gloried volunteer work. A full-time mission with a rigorous schedule might be too much for me to handle. With my mission, I am able to completely take care of my body, which is the most important thing for someone who has been through what I have, while still being able to serve! Thanks for watching out for me, Heavenly Father.

2) I will still be attending my YSA ward. I am excited to still be in the ward I have spent the last year in and be around some friends I have known and love. The only difference is this year, I won't be hanging out as often as I did last year.

3) As for dates? Nope. Friends, I can still do a little bit with. Not crazy adventures, but maybe some lunches or hikes here
and there, as long as it doesn't interfere with my call as a church service missionary and maintains an environment worthy enough for the Spirit to be in.

4) I can still watch TV and movies and go on the computer, but it is suggested that I only do those things that invite the Spirit to stay with me. So, I'm giving up "regular" music, all of the action movies, etc. I said goodbye to my Instagram and Twitter for the next year. As for Facebook, I won't be browsing my News Feed or getting on the site nearly as much. I've decided to post quotes and good things on there. And of course, links to this blog.

5) The normal missionary rights weekly to his parents and family, and any others that write him. Right now, I can tell you that I'm still working on this one. I don't know if I will send an email out, or just post once a week in that regard on this blog. Whatever I decide, I would love to still maintain this blog. It's been such a blessing for me to write down my experiences, especially to look back on in the future.

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I'm glad I am able to serve. I never thought I would serve in a capacity like this, but let me tell you, I am just downright excited. Thank you for all your kind words, support, and love you've shown me as I have gotten ready to serve this mission.

I won't really say goodbye. More like, see ya around?

I'm excited for my part-time glorified volunteer work! That's really what it is- glorified. The temple is an amazing place to serve. Stop by sometime!

Keep running!