Dear World, I Have Cancer (Again)

It's always frustrating when I have to give out this type of news.


But let's get right down to it.   My cancer's back.

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Let me take you back to three weeks ago... the 4th of July. My parents and brother decided that after the ward breakfast, they'd come spend a day up in Logan, and then we'd all go to my doctors appointments the next day. They arrived in town at 3, right about the time I got off work. I got to show them my house, where I work/worked, and some of the coolest places around Logan (like Heaven and the Hobbit Caves). That night, after dinner, I stay with my parents in their hotel, and my brother and I went and rode scooters. It was a great night! The next morning, I got to show them around campus, show them my old OFFICE! and also they met a few of my A-Team bosses. And then we got Aggie Ice Cream.

We drove down to Salt Lake, my brother and I in my car, followed by my parents in their car. I had my head/neck/chest CT scan, and an hour later met with Dr. Hunt. It was a pretty quick visit. He came in and said,

"Your neck looks great! I'll look at the official report tomorrow and give you a call."

And that was that. Or so we thought.

The next day, I had a 4 hour shift in the morning at Lowe's. During that time, I had missed two calls, both from the same number. I figured it was Dr. Hunt. So I waited and waited. After work, I called back Dr. Hunt's nurse, Anne, and she said that he just went into surgery, but he wanted to talk with me and he would call later.

I had the thought that if Dr. Hunt himself wanted to talk to me, it wasn't good. So I waited. Finally, at 6, he called me and told me what was up.

"Like I said, your neck looks great, but there's a spot on your chest that's concerning. We'd like to do a biopsy and figure this out."

That was three weeks ago.

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Two weeks ago, I had a biopsy. Nothing too big. They just poked me and got a sample. Nothing special to report there.

EXCEPT that my mom is super awesome, and came and met me for it. We stayed in a hotel in Bountiful and she went with me to those appointments, we drove around the Bountiful temple, and went to this really good Pizza Factory-like place.

We waited and waited to hear the results, and didn't hear anything.

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Catch up now to last week, the 18th (which, for the record, is the anniversary of my mission! Two years ago I started, and a year ago, I was released). I got off work at 1:30 pm, and felt like I just needed to go home for a few days. So, I called my brother to see what was happening, and decided to surprise the whole family. Only my brother knew.

IT WAS SO AWESOME TO GO HOME. AND EVERYONE WAS SO SURPRISED!

It was really good that I was on my way home, because I decided to call Anne and check up. She said that the results were confirmed, its the same cancer. My cancer's back. Like I said, it was good to be home to be able to process all these feelings with my family around.

The next thing on the list was to get a PET scan- a scan on my whole body where they inject me with "radioactive sugar" (their words) and scan me... the tumors eat up sugar fast.

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That brings us to now..... here's whats happening:

• The path we're taking is probably chemotherapy
• I don't know about surgery, how much cancer there is, etc. We're still kind of in the beginning stages.... I just want to let you know

The biggest change: I'm moving back home. Around the first or second week of August-- sorry Logan. :( For that reason, I'm not going to school this next semester, possibly spring semester, too. I'm doing SOAR this week, but after that, I'm done with the A-Team stuff :( no Connections (being a TA for a class that happens right before school starts).

The most frustrating this has been the battle all along during this cancer stuff... aligning my will to God's. There are so many things I want to do, but God has a different plan. I want to be in Logan, I want to continue with more A-Team stuff. I LOVE Logan, and I feel like this town and school were made for me... and now I need to move back home. Don't get me wrong, I love home and I'm excited, in a way, to move back, but I'm still upset about changing all my plans again. I'm a Writing Fellow (tutor), on the NSSLHA board, and volunteer at the hospital, and I'll have to give that all up for a time.

HOWEVER, I know God has a plan for me. I know this is happening for a reason. And although it sucks and it's come back AGAIN, I've felt peace this whole time. So have my parents. No matter what happens, it's all going to be okay!

Yesterday in Church, we sang Come, Come Ye Saints, and verse two really stuck out to me:

Come, Come Ye Saints: Hymns #30

The things that are worth it are not going to come easy. My life is worth it, and what I learn from life is worth it. Yeah, it all sucks sometimes, but that's okay. I've got an excellent support system, amazing family, and amazing friends.

These are the times that truly define character.

Let's go.

Keep running.

Choices

I have a friend that used to live in Cedar City, and I remember how she always talked about how amazing, social, and awesome Logan is. The way she described it: "In Cedar, I would invite 20 people to a party, and five would show up. In Logan, I invite five people, and 20 would show up!"

I came up to Logan back in March for a few days to look for an apartment, meet with my advisor, and just get a little more prepped for moving up here. From just two days in Logan, I noticed that my friend wasn't just "talking up" Logan, but she was serious. In the month and a half I've been living up here, I have met lots of new people, made some new memories, and really had some fun adventures. Because I consider myself super social, my friend and I decided that "Logan was made for me."

I'm a Junior now- taking 16 credits this semester. Buuut it feels like 100 credits. I am taking "COMD" (Communicative Disorders) classes, and heading toward a degree in Communicative Disorders- emphasis of Speech-Language Pathology. It's interesting being at the point where I'm in all of my classes with the same group of people. My longest days are Wednesdays... I have a break in the morning, but from 3:30 on, I have my Anatomy lab, ASL lab, and Institute. The only thing that gets me through those days is that I end it with Institute. What a blessing! Just for the record, my Institute class is AMAZING. I have never been so spiritually uplifted.

I got a job. A really good one. I have been working as the "Membership and Marketing Assistant" for the Utah State University Alumni Association since right before school began. I love that job! I love the work I got to do. The only downfall to is it that I don't necessarily like sitting in an office all day, ya know?

I have my own office!

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During Week 2 of the semester, I came to realize just how crazy my homework schedule was. It was an incredibly busy week around that time, but it's been pretty busy since. I'm at that point I need to make sure I'm studying the information, and I have had two to three tests a week. Working an on-campus job has been a dream of mine, because I seriously had the best work schedule; I would work Monday through Friday roughly from 11 am to 1 pm, and again from 3 to 5 pm. Never past 5, no weekends, mostly, and no Sundays. Dream job.

But it became kind of apparent that it was hard on me. I couldn't even start my homework til I got home at 5ish, and then I would want to eat dinner, and relax for a little bit, and then it would be later in the evening. No bueno. It's been my post-mission goal to attend the temple once a week, and during that crazy week, I didn't even make it to the temple- I was so busy! So, I prayed to know what to do. I talked with my parents, a lot. I had a few decisions to make, and I didn't know what was the right thing for me to do. I didn't want to quit this awesome job, but I didn't have time to really do anything.

So there I sat in Institute during Week 3. Sad that I didn't make it to the temple the week before. Tired, and really hoping to receive some inspiration for my life. Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel is all about Christ, and I love that class. Christ knows exactly what we are going through, and He knew that day what I needed to hear... I don't even remember what talk we were talking about, but I was hit so strongly by the sentence (and I'm paraphrasing) Don't let the good things overpower the things that are essential. My job is good, it's nice to have the blessings that come from a job, like, ya know, money. But I felt that if having a job was interfering with my time to go to the temple, or take precedence over the essential things, I needed to make a change.

So the next day, I sat down with my boss and explained my situation: school is more than I thought, I would love to still work at the Alumni Center, but I would need to cut down my hours. It was a really good chat, and my boss thanked me for my candor. He decided that they would hire someone else to work the 20 hours, but I have still worked for them off and on throughout this transition. I don't know how my story with the Alumni Center will go on, but I'll let you know when I know.

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I just know that the Lord has blessed me immensely. I feel His power and strength as I try to attend the temple regularly. For me, it's once a week. For you, it might be different, and that's okay, just make it regular. My biggest worry has been with my financial situation, but I'm focusing on doing what I know is right with my money (tithing and fast offerings), and I have seen that following those commandments have blessed me. Somehow, my paycheck has been bigger than I thought. I'm not complaining. ;)

I have learned that blessings do come when we choose to serve the Lord. It requires that choice on our side, though. Make the choice, now, to serve. As you hold to the gospel, to the feelings you know are right, it might not be easy. However, the gospel makes life easier. I know firsthand.

Keep running.

Cancer and College

As I prepare to move up to Logan for school (two days!!), I've been thinking a lot about my life here in Cedar City, and therefore the experiences I've been through. I've also been thinking about how it will feel to get back into school and classes again. I found an essay I wrote a few months ago, and it helped me realize one thing that cancer has given me: perspective in everything. Good luck with school!!

I knew at a young age that I wanted to pursue a career in which I could help people. That was solidified at age 15, when I was diagnosed with cancer in my salivary glands. The five-and-a-half year journey that included numerous surgeries, relapses, radiation, and chemotherapy have both helped and hindered my college pursuit in ways that I wouldn’t have imagined. 

My college experience began in my home town of Cedar City, Utah at Southern Utah University in the fall of 2012. I stood six months clear from a relapse, in which I had a surgery to removed cancer-infected tissue from my neck. Toward the end of the semester, however, I was faced with yet another relapse, this time requiring a major 13-hour surgery which would take place the day after my last final. Because of the immensity of this surgery, I made the choice to un-register for the upcoming spring semester, so that I could recover and focus on my health. It put me behind a semester, and I wish I could have kept going with my schooling. 

On the other hand, I have been blessed in regards to my higher education because of cancer. Months after my major surgery, I sat at a crossroads. I wasn’t necessarily happy with my chosen major. My education was at a point where I didn’t have many general education requirements left and needed to pursue a major. I combed through the list of majors that SUU offered, but nothing jumped out at me. It wasn’t until I looked at the results of my personality test that I immediately found my answer- Speech pathology. I wouldn’t have recognized that career had I not received speech therapy from my major surgery months before. If I hadn’t gone through cancer, I probably wouldn’t have gone toward the career I am pursuing today. 

The biggest impact of cancer is that I am a better college student. I have full confidence that I can push through hard classes and tough teachers, assignments, or study groups- all with phenomenal grades. Why? Because I’ve made it through harder times. I know that I can succeed at anything in life because I have already succeeded in something bigger than myself- taking back my life from cancer.

 Keep running.