Life With MORE Than A Fibula

Did you know I'm missing a fibula? ;)

"Missing" might not be the right word.

In December of 2012, almost two years ago, I was faced with harsh news:

Cancer recurrence. This time, the cancer is in your jaw bone. The fix? Removing all of a fibula, except for the top and bottom 3-4"... so that the ligaments, tendons, etc. wouldn't be messed with.

On December 13, 2012, after finishing my semester finals only the day before, I underwent a 13 hour surgery. In this surgery, the doctors removed the fibula from my left leg, removed 2/3 of my mandible (lower jaw), and replaced the mandible with a portion of my fibula- among other things, which is not an important detail right now.

It sounds painful, and to be honest, it was. For a little bit. Getting out of bed to walk was definitely a hard hill to climb in my stay in the hospital.

My dad, me, and Haymitch the PT

I had given some thought to starting a blog, to getting my story out there, to sharing my experiences with others. In January 2013, a month after this surgery, "Life Without A Fibula" was born. I credit myself to coming up with this fancy, catchy (at least I think so) title. I have kept up with my medical journey over the last few years. I share my experiences of living life without a fibula.

Although I am living life without a fibula, life with only one fibula, I am living with SO much more than that. Let me tell you what I mean.

In a revelation given to Joseph Smith, Jr., the prophet of the restoration of the gospel on the earth in the 1800s, the Lord explains a little something about trials:

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaw of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7)

What could possibly be good about going through hard things? A man named Orson F. Whitney said:

No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God ... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.

You may not believe what I do. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, often called a "Mormon." I have the faith, belief, and testimony as to why we are here on the earth, and where we are going when this life is over. I believe that we are on this earth to learn and grow.

Earth life can be compared to leaving home for college. Once on our own, we choose for ourselves if we will follow what we know or believe is right. We are not obeying only to please our parents, who are no longer right with us, teaching us the way to go. As we left the presence of our Heavenly Father, we: one, gained a physical body; and two, are given the chance through our agency to obey the word of God.

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Life is more than our deficiencies, our weaknesses, our regrets, our insecurities. It's not about the pain we've felt, but the good we experience. It's not about the hardships in life, but the blessings we see. It's not what we don't have, but what we DO have. 

As stated before, I am living with so much more than just one fibula. Just a few good things I live with are:

An eternal family. I know that families can be together forever. I know that the family is central to God's plan. The gospel is all about families. Being in a family doesn't mean that things are always easy and peaceful, but it does mean that we are growing and learning together. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else for eternity except my family.

The blessings of the temple. The temple is the House of the Lord, and as such, it is a reverent and holy place. I know that I can feel the presence of our Lord in His house. I have the amazing opportunity of serving a mission there, five days a week. One day is out of the grounds, and the other four days I am inside the temple in different areas. I am grateful for the peace that comes from the temple, and the work done there is holy and eternal.
My patriarchal blessing. Everyone, after being baptized a member of the Church, is entitled to a patriarchal blessing. In this blessing (which comes from the Lord, through a patriarch) is for the benefit of the receiver. In this blessing is personal guidance, blessings, and truth directed to you. My patriarchal blessing has been a huge comfort to me as I read and re-read it (yes, the blessing is recorded, transcribed and delivered to you- so you can read it as often as you want).


The atonement of Jesus Christ. I have been taking a class on the Atonement in Institute. The atonement is what makes the difference between our imperfect lives and returning to our Heavenly Father again. The atonement is what enables us, redeems us, and uplifts us. It is through Christ that we are saved, after all we can do. What do we need to do? LET the atonement change our lives.

I may have lost physically, some have it worse. I have gained spiritually, more than I thought I could. The gospel is amazing, in that sense. Because I choose to look at what I have, because of the gospel, because of Jesus Christ, because of the atonement, I am HAPPY. Truly, happy.

Keep running!

Something About the Sun

When I received news that my cancer was back, about this time two years ago, it was hard for me to make "the call," and to let all my friends know what I had just received news about.

I still remember sitting in my truck, parked on the curb outside of Dairy Queen, just about to start my shift. It was hard to tell my friends this news. But hey, I was headed to a place where I could make all the free ice cream I wanted. And free ice cream makes everyone happy, doesn't it? Just kidding.

One friend in particular, I had become close with that semester. She and I had been on a date, and the best quality I think she has is her overwhelming love of the gospel- it radiates through her attitude, and she is always smiling. When I told her the news, she was sad. Just like I was. Her perspective really helped me in light of the news.

She called me and said, "Erik! I have a little present I want to give to you. Do you want to stop by sometime and get it?"

I explained that I was about to go to work, and I'd be done around 11:45 that night. She said, "Okay, well let me know when you are done!"

When she said that, I knew it was going to be something pretty neat. Neat enough to want to give to me at just about midnight. But really, what college student is asleep by midnight on a Saturday night?

After work, I gave her a call. She lived in on-campus housing, so she told me to meet her down by the lobby doors. She handed me a little envelope, gave me a smile and some well-wishing words and told me goodnight. I walked back and got in my car, and just sat. I opened the envelope and the top of the page said "10 Reasons to be Happy!" and was filled with reasons of blessings that I have, despite the bad news I just received.

That list has been hanging in my room for the last two years. I look at it a lot. It reminds me that there are always blessings. All you have to do is look.

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The first reason on my list of "10 Reasons to be Happy!" was this:

I have

1. You are alive, and the sun is still shining! (Well, depending on what time of the day you read this)

I have looked at this list many times in the last two years. Just last week, it hit me.... the sun is still shining!

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized: the sun is always shining!

Think about it: the sun never stops shining. It is us that think the sun isn't there, when in reality, it is just shining on the other side of the world. So the question is: where in the world are you?

Jesus Christ is the Only Begotten Son of the Father. I don't think that the word "sun" was just randomly made up. I know that our Savior is the reason that is is always sunny, spiritually speaking.

Have you ever been on an airplane? Think of an overcast day. You arrive and it's not too bright outside. The sky is a whitish/dark blue. Once you are on your plane, it backs off from the terminal. It heads to the runway, and slowly, lifts off the ground, and you are traveling away from the airport- that quick. Slowly, it ascends, through the clouds and higher in the sky. For a minute, the clearance is barely anything. All you can be seen outside the window is cloud. But when you have risen above all the clouds, higher into the sky, you see the sun. It's still bright. The sky is bluer than blue. And below, you see nothing but the clouds you just rose above. The sun was shining the whole time.

When the world seems dark, when trials seem unending, when it seems like there is no light in your life... remember that there always is! Just do one thing: change your thinking. Think happier. Think brighter.

Thanks, Nicole. I don't think you realized how deep your advice was.

Keep running.

Revealing Our True Character

I chatted with a friend the other day. She asked me, "Why do you think God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac?"

What would you say? Think about it for a second. And after you've taken a little bit, let me share with you a few of my big "I wonder why I was tested in this way..." thoughts. ***Disclaimer : These really don't compare with being asked to sacrifice your son.

Example A: I'm weird. I don't mind public speaking. I don't mind as much putting myself out there. Talking in Sacrament meeting was a cinch. Teaching a lesson, guiding a discussion for an entire hour, terrified me. Last school year, I was called to be an Elders Quorum Instructor. I taught in Elders Quorum about once a month-ish. I could have easily said, "No. Teaching is not for me."

Example B: I love running. I ran cross country in high school. I was one of those crazy kids who just loves to run. After high school, I ran a half-marathon and seriously just LOVED it. I would easily do it again. As you might recall, most of my fibula was removed from my left leg to reconstruct my mandible. The doctors said that I can run, but it might not be that easy. And I'd have a really hard time running something like a half-marathon.

So my answer to her question?
I think God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac  because he loved his son so much. You remember that Sariah had trouble having a baby for years. To truly test our faith [and obedience], I think the greater our love for what is being tested, the more true our action and response really is.

For example, say you own two vehicles, a beautiful sports car that you really love, and a minivan that you kinda like, but gets the job done. With the factor of the cost of the vehicle and repairs thrown to the side, and assuming no injuries occured, would you be more upset if your sports car that you loved was totaled? Or your minivan?

Maybe think about it in the way that our Heavenly Father possibly sees it. I really don't want to see my child suffer, but seeing how he/she reacts to the hardest of challenge will reveal who they truly are, good or bad.

There are hardly any trials that don't impact us in some way. But those trials can really show our character. They can change us, show us a better way to live (maybe more post-trial), and help us gain an eternal perspective and/or testimony.

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While are trials really are trying, its important to realize something. In 1 Corinthians 10:13, it talks about temptation. But I also believe you could switch out "temptation" for "trial", "tempted" for "tried"...

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

That is so comforting to know that no matter how hard the road may seem ahead, walking down it is possible.

If in an hour, you were faced with a hard trial, and given the choice to go through with faith and be obedient, or to shy away and follow your own guidance rather than the Lord's, what would you do? Evaluate yourself. I sure have done some self-evaluation on myself. Each time I straighten my course to resemble the will of the Father, I am never disappointed. I am never left alone. And I am brought to see a greater miracle. A greater way. Much greater than if I were to shy away.

"Have I not commanded thee, be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed. For the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest." Joshua 1:9

Keep running!